Holidays.gif

It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like...


So we're headed for a federal election with a holiday campaign and winter vote. The reaction in the media and amongst the locals seems pretty united.

"This is an outrage, that is going to systematically destroy the holiday season! How could the members of our government be so cold and callous? Let's smuggle a pack of donkey's into the House of Commons, fill them with laxatives and have them poop on the floor."

It's a valid argument - well, not really - until you consider two critical points: Less than 50% of Torontonians actually celebrate something during the holiday season. And less than 40% of Torontonians voted in the last federal election. Since math makes me emotional, I'll let you ingest those numbers.

So why is everyone so, angry? The numbers would suggest that the vast majority of people, who are so upset about their Christmas being "Grinched" by the federal government, were more interested in hitting a patio after work than voting last June 28th. In other words, most people have no right to be even a little upset.

In my opinion, the following five groups/individuals have a valid excuse to be a little perturbed from November 20th through December 31st of every year:

5. Cab Drivers - Either they're stuck in rush-hour traffic, picking up an inebriated and belligerent passenger from a holiday party, or assisting a woman coming out of Holt Renfrew with 9 big shopping bags while people threaten to burn them with a steaming hot egg-nog latte.

4. Football Fans with Girlfriends - Christmas and New Year's Day are on a Sunday, as are the most "important" holiday parties. It's more likely that we willingly purchase tickets to "The Chronicle's of Narnia", than watch 11 uninterrupted hours of football on a Sunday over the next six weeks. Life is not fair.

3. Sam Mitchell - And yes, I have taken into account the fact that he will make over one million dollars this year.

2. Store Managers at Yorkdale, The Eaton Centre or any other relevant retail shop - Starting next week, I'm going to be taking donations so we can purchase Mickey's of dark rum and hand them out to these people. Then, wager on how long it takes them to drink on the job.

1. Families with one less member at the table - All kidding aside, for whatever reason sitting around a table and eating - far too much - leaves your feelings for a lost loved-one more exposed than pedestrians on Richmond every Friday night. Which is a roundabout way of saying: This Christmas dinner, I'll miss my Grandfather.

Everybody else? Come on folks, Cheer UP! After all, it's almost Christmas time, election or not.


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