Wednesday, April 23, 2014Mostly Cloudy 3°C
City

10 Toronto headlines we'd like to see in 2014

Posted by Jen Hunter / December 22, 2013

Toronto headlinesAfter a year of grabbing headlines for all the wrong reasons, we're sure many Torontonians will be eager to usher in the New Year with a view to a fresh start. Here's a list of some of the things we'd love to see hit the front pages in 2014. Some might just be possible, but as for the rest, we're allowed to dream, aren't we?

Tweet your ideas using the hashtag #TO2014Headlines.

Election results are in: Ford places last
In spite of polling a tiny fraction of voter support, Rob Ford refuses to pull out of the mayoral race in a desperate bid for re-election. Throwing millions of dollars at the matter doesn't help, either, and he places dead last in the mayoral race as Torontonians eagerly line up to vote in record numbers.

The Province ponies up the cash for transit expansion
Shovels Theare finally in the ground, as Kathleen Wynne announces that it's clearly costing Ontarians more in wasted tax dollars to keep flip-flopping over Toronto's transit future. Ontario earmarks $2 billion to get the ball rolling on the Scarborough subway extension, and a further $500 million every year to keep prices down to $3 a ride.

OCB gets its own stores
Even after plenty of media expose on the Beer Store cartel, the Hudak promise of more free trade for the licensed industry doesn't appear to be any closer to happening. However, the AGCO makes some concessions, and allows Ontario Craft Brewers to open a select few stores across the province, in a WineRack-style arrangement.

AGO and ROM free to all
High ticket prices have been excluding all but the richest parts of the city from it's most prized collections for decades, but in the face of stiff competition from the fancy fish down at Ripley's, Toronto Arts Council manage to persuade an allotment from the Federal Budget that ensures European-style free access to culture for all. A donation wouldn't go amiss if you could afford it, but the days of lining up to grab the deals on cheap days are over.

RioCan's Walmart development goes belly up, art wins
The plans for a corporate invasion of Kensington Market are put on hold indefinitely as RioCan get fed up of the endless injunctions concerning their plans for 420 Bathurst. Instead, the Museum of Contemporary Canadian Art moves into the former Kromer Radio space, providing a culture boost to the otherwise bereft strip between Queen and Bloor.

MLSE pack it in - Leafs go on to win Stanley Cup
Admitting a long-standing failure to understand the difference between profitability and success, Maple Leaf Sports and Entertainment finally decide to sell off their sports franchises, giving new owners a chance to bring some silverware to the city. A fan's consortium clubs together to purchase the Leafs, who go on to lift the Stanley Cup at the ACC. Drake immediately snaps up the Raptors wholesale, and turns every half-time show into a mini OVO Fest. Some luck in the draft sees Andrew Wiggins join the party.

UniQlo finally move in
Japanese fashion giant UniQlo take the hint that they'll make megabucks with a store North of the border, and announce plans to move into the ground floor of the planned condo space at the former home of MoCCA, near Queen and Ossington. Another store is planned at Yorkdale, to follow soon after.

Canada Post announces it was all just a joke
Explaining their earlier decision as being made during a 'drunken stupor', Canada Post apologise to the elderly and housebound, and rescind their decision to kill home delivery of mail, after it emerges that the plan of just tossing it in the Christie Pits ice rink did not meet the criteria of its feasibility study. Spokesperson Anick Losier says 'We're really sorry, but it seemed to work during the garbage strike, so why not for people's bills and stuff? I guess we'll just got back to doing the job we're paid to do'.

Mirvish Village survives
Westbank Properties, the Vancouver-based developer who recently purchased Honest Ed's, announce that they have no plans to uproot any of the businesses that comprise Mirvish Village. The team, who recently built the Shangri-La hotel, offer up a plan to convert the retail emporium into a really big Momofuku Milk Bar, with free crack pie for everyone at Thanksgiving, in place of the usual turkey giveaway.

City grants extended freedoms to food trucks in Toronto
Toronto foodies rejoice, as City Hall assigns dozens of spots around the city as 'food truck' zones, where cooks from all over North America can park their vehicles and sell delicious treats. Whilst some spots require a reservation, many simply take a phone number and ask waiting trucks to go around the corner for a drink or something until there's room.

BONUS

Inter-school project uses millions of Lego bricks to replace decaying Gardiner
Citing the excellent traction properties and eye catching colour options, the TDSB announced a deal to raid the attics of thousands of schoolchildren for Lego bricks to craft a new highway route for the city, that will be airlifted into place before the aging Gardiner is blown up for a special effects shot (to be featured in the Total Recall sequel). Parents across the city rejoice, as their freedom to walk barefoot around their own houses at night is restored.

Photo by Danielle W in the blogTO Flickr pool

Discussion

18 Comments

W. K. Lis / December 22, 2013 at 09:26 am
user-pic
Federal government of Canada to subsidize 50% of public transit operating deficit across the nation. In addition, the province of Ontario will subsidize the other 50% for Ontario public transit operations as well.
Chester / December 22, 2013 at 11:28 am
user-pic
This should read as "a hipsters dream headline list" lol.
Simon Tarses / December 22, 2013 at 02:17 pm
user-pic
Condo developers decide to develop condos along major streets in North York, Scarborough, Etobicoke, East York, and York, thus freeing downtown Toronto from the pressures of having all of those condos be only in downtown Toronto and also making it possible for there to be a real reason to have subways in Noth York and Scarborough.
Another point of view.... / December 22, 2013 at 02:23 pm
user-pic
I disagree with the suggestion that Toronto's museums and galleries should be free. As a European myself, I grew up with free access to museums. Since moving to North America, I have been thoroughly impressed by the interactivity of museums here, their creative exhibitions, and their access to new technologies. I feel that a lot of this "extra experience" would be impossible on a donations-only basis.

I think that museums and galleries here should continue their policy of discounted evenings and group discounts for schools.

As a European, I am skeptical of the "if it's European, then it's better" philosophy that many young North Americans seem to believe in. Why don't we be fair and wait a little longer with the North American way of doing museums, and see what works and what doesn't?

Also, let me say that when things are not free in life, it sometimes makes us want them more. Just because a museum is free does not mean that someone will go, and even if he or she goes, it might not be appreciated. You might absorb more from your experience if it cost you a little bit to get there.
rob ford / December 22, 2013 at 05:26 pm
user-pic
"Rob Ford Eats Out"
Rob replying to a comment from Simon Tarses / December 22, 2013 at 05:55 pm
user-pic
That was tried and we ended up with the Sheppard subway and *some* development, but not enough. Also, living in "downtown" North York, that idea failed spectacularly as well. Developers will build where there's a market for it, and that market is downtown.
steve / December 23, 2013 at 05:06 am
user-pic
How about "Term Limits Implemented on City Council"
There's so many stale councilors that an overhaul would do the city good
h / December 23, 2013 at 10:59 am
user-pic
RF in a mayoral landslide in 2014 would be the best thing to happen!
Bob / December 23, 2013 at 04:50 pm
user-pic
"Abolished: Ontario Municipal Board is no more."

Duckworth / December 23, 2013 at 10:23 pm
user-pic
A headline that I would like to see:

"Rob Ford renounces secular world and becomes a monk"
yyzgirl / December 23, 2013 at 11:13 pm
user-pic
Toronto named Food Truck Capital of North America, options reflect diversity of the city

LCBO abolished, boutique wine & spirits stores pop up all over Toronto
RussellP / December 24, 2013 at 01:27 am
user-pic
New headline: Hunter wins Last Comic Standing because her article was so hilarious!
levitra / December 24, 2013 at 11:13 am
user-pic
It's going to be end of mine day, however before end I am reading this impressive piece of writing to improve my know-how.
h2 / December 24, 2013 at 09:59 pm
user-pic
Landslide, yah...as long as it's composed of excrement...and there are pics!
levitraII / December 26, 2013 at 08:41 pm
user-pic
Mine day end impressive piece how to? Impotent Rob Ford?
Alexander replying to a comment from Another point of view.... / December 27, 2013 at 09:34 am
user-pic
What part of Europe are you from? The bad part? The ROM and AGO are some of the crappiest museums on earth. Stick the AGO in London or Paris or Rome with it's current collection and prices and it would be empty 24/7. Sure the AGO at least looks nice (as opposed to the disaster that is the ROM) but they are vastly overpriced. The National Gallery in London is free. Just google it and look at that collection and the bottom 10% would make the AGO cry.
Another point of view.... replying to a comment from Alexander / December 27, 2013 at 05:37 pm
user-pic
I grew up in the UK actually -- London, in fact. I am actually writing this from there, where I am spending Christmas with my family. We went to the Natonal Gallery yesterday. So I don't need to Google these places that I am highly familiar with, but thank you kindly.

Neither the AGO nor the ROM is a disaster. Your point is illogical. If the AGO or ROM were to charge their usual prices in a place with mainly free galleries, then sure, they wouldn't do well. I don't really see your point. And whatever point you think you are making, it doesn't have much to do with my original comment. Trust me.
Another point of view.... replying to a comment from Alexander / December 27, 2013 at 05:50 pm
user-pic
I meant to type "National".

In case you don't see why your comment is irrelevant, let me ask you, how would a free AGO improve its collection?

Add a Comment

Other Cities: Montreal