Darryl's Hard Liquor & Porn Film Festival = Stag Perfection

Last night, seven of my friends plotted a night of mayhem before our pals, Niki and Darryl, tie the knot Elvis-style in Vegas on Halloween Night.

Having never planned a stag-and-doe, besides a night out at a strip joint, some handcuffs and blindfolds, we had no idea what to put the couple up to. Thank God for liquor and porn.

Performing for a sold-out crowd at the Bloor, Darryl's Hard Liquor and Porn Film Festival showcased 31 short films from Toronto, Montreal, the U.S., U.K. and Australia with the theme of - you guessed it - naughty adventures.

Organizers Darryl Gold and Jill Rosenberg even encouraged the audience to dress up as their inner porn star. I saw dudes dressed up in their best sleazy '70s print shirts (buttons down to reveal the chest hair, of course) to clowns to sailors. Prizes for best costumes went to a woman in a PVC bikini-clad fat suit and a sexy Swiss mountain lady, (complete with audience chants of "Riiicollla!")

The festival was unlike anything I expected - for some reason I thought it'd just be reels and reels of amateur porn submitted worldwide, but many of the shorts were whimsical, funny and at moments, tender.

This year, Gold and Rosenberg took "perversion to a whole new dimension," by offering guests a free pair of 3-D glasses to participate in the show's Naughty 3-D Showcase. In Gender-vision, the ladies in the house were encouraged to only watch out of the red lens to see the "rules of dating" and men were to watch the blue lens that depicted, in essence, how to get laid. I think everyone in the room was a bit naughty and peeked onto the other side. Sure takes the third-dimension into new territory.

Furthermore, Neil Hollands's Alternative Power showed feasible environmental solutions to our energy crisis by fueling lawnmowers, computers and finally, Toronto, using a metal rod and making wanking gestures with your hands to generate power. Now, why didn't the Science Centre think of that?

The festival's 69-Hour Film Challenge, was also a lot of fun to see, especially when given a list of things to look out for that filmmakers had to use as guidelines. (For example, a money shot, a legal disclaimer, sexy boots and the phrase, "What's the biggest tub of mayonnaise you can get?" had to be included in all entries). Check out Satisfaction Guaranteed for some cringing kink near the end of the flick.

Heading over to the Brass Rail afterwards was fun, but the foreplay at Hard Liquor and Porn proved to be the more titillating party of the night - after all, porn festivals should be anything but cliche and so should the last shot at "single hood" before the big "I do."

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