Toronto the Very, Very Good: Public Sex in the City
Public sex, historically speaking, has long been associated with gay men cruising for hook-ups in parks. This was, of course, before the Internet came along and made it all too easy to find a willing partner for some private fun. With cruising happening less frequently and the police largely leaving clubs and bathhouses to regulate themselves, there's a whole lot of opportunity for those of you who've never done it in an alleyway to give it a shot (or multiple, if you have it in you).
There's also no time like the present because, as we all know, there are only 6 months out of the year where it's actually possible to have sex outside without catching pneumonia. That's not to say you can't do it the rest of the year but during an encounter where speed is of the essence, wind chill should not have to be a consideration.
Nowadays, there is debate over what exactly constitutes a "public" space but for the sake of this column, I'm gonna say that mostly anything not privately-owned is public (and yes, that includes libraries, community pools and our now-colorful CN Tower) and some private properties count because they're very much in the public eye. I'm also not going to list any clubs or bars because everybody's done that shit and those kind of venues encourage mild forms of exhibitionism anyway.
Why would anyone want to do this? For some, it's a fetish.These folks take off their clothes in order to expose themselves to others. This can involve another person or even multiple persons and with the exception of the clichĂŠd flasher, it's not usually done in a threatening manner.
In terms of instinct, there are two categories of arousal: the sexual variety and the one that rears its head when danger threatens. It's possible for the human brain to confuse the two and, in all likelihood, this is part of why people find public sex so appealing. According to a poll in NOW magazine's Love & Sex Guide, 78% of the 6,516 folks who participated have done the deed.
There are some guidelines to keep in mind. The main thing, as mentioned above, is speed. Being able to finish quickly is an asset and this is why public sex favors those who know how to get each other off. After all, many of the places I'm going to recommend are full of people who aren't there to have sex and you might have as little as ten minutes to finish. The trade-off, for those who might be put off by the brevity of the experience, comes from the illicit, hand-in-the-cookie-jar thrill of getting away with it.
Another thing to consider is image. Not looking like you're having sex whilst doing so can be the best kind of sex you've ever had. It's also respectful to those around you who might not want to see that kind of thing during their afternoon stroll.
Lastly, you might want to avoid security cameras. In fact, try to avoid any brightly-lit area. You'll wanna stick to the shadows in order to make best use of the time available to you.
So, without further ado, I present the best public places to get it on in Toronto. Mind you, this is all hearsay, I haven't done this myself and, of course, I'm not advocating this sort of thing. Public sex is illegal and anyone engaging in the act should be aware that they will probably get caught, and might be charged and fined.
Everyone has (unrealistic) fantasies about fucking on the beach and I'm sure the residents don't appreciate it but for that out-of-town feel, nothing beats the islands for a bit of public nookie. Whether you go for the obvious choice of the nude beach at Hanlan's Point, the Sky Ride at Centreville Amusement Park or take yer pick of any bush, there are plenty of opportunities where your quality time might stretch out as much as twenty minutes or so. Just be sure to bring a towel (and avoid getting sand anywhere indelicate - Ouch!).
Naughty librarian sold separately. Before you write this off as totally undoable, hear me out! Some of the more out-of-the-way stacks offer up to five minutes of privacy and if a conference room is unlocked, who's to say you can't have your own meeting of the board? Hell, if all else fails, there's always the bathroom.
An outdoor community pool
This kind of operation should be done at night and the more family-orientated the neighborhood, the better. Pools like the one on Gerrard and Greenwood are ideal and all it takes to get in is a hop over the fence. Just be sure to get outta there by 6 am before the locals come out for their daily tai chi.
Or any park really; High Park is just more picturesque. You could go off into the trees but what's the fun if there's no chance of getting caught? Go to the Hillside Gardens, pick a bench, and you'll soon forget all about that beautiful sunset.
A fire escape
A lot of buildings have fire escapes that are accessible from the street and as long as you don't make too much noise, the inhabitants of the building should have no idea you're even there. From there, we can segue naturally onto the next option which is:
Often enough, that fire escape you were just on leads up to a roof which offers more leg-room and a better view.
Slightly more profane than a park and much more empty, this cemetery in Cabbagetown offers unparalleled privacy, especially at night.
Hitch a ride around last call and you'll undoubtedly find yourself in a (relatively) empty car. Suddenly, you're seeing those poles and straps in a whole different light.
Ontario College of Art & Design
Yeah, it's not public but it's centrally located. OCAD has many perfect nooks and crannies to get busy in. Students have been doing it for years. The grandaddy of 'em all is the six-floor yellow staircase that connects the Sharp Center of Design to the main building. Go to the top and you can hear anyone coming as soon as they enter. Just remember, they can probably hear you too.
After all of this, you're gonna be rather tuckered out so take a cab home and, while you're at it, see how far you can push it in the back seat. Couples riding home constitute the bread-and-butter of most cabbies so they tend to make allowances for amorous activity.
If you have any stories about the places you've sullied, let's hear 'em!
Photo by reflexblue
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