City
New in Toronto real estate: Noir
Noir Condos, in all seriousness, calls itself the "New Black." Forgive me — my mind jumped to a racial conclusion. But no, the "New Black" is indeed a fashion phrase. Phew. We're off to a good start, no? A Menkes Development project slated for the Entertainment District, Noir is all about sleekness and style, with 49 storeys and a whole glut of amenities. So, once you go Noir you never go back? That sounds just awful. Here's a closer look at Noir Condos.
SPECS
Address: 87 Peter Street
Exterior: Glass
Number of floors: 49
Number of units: 550
Type of units: Studio, one-bedroom, one-plus-den, two-bedroom, two-plus-den, three bedroom
Unit sizes (in square feet): 382 - 782
Ceiling height: 9'
Price range: Around $300,000 to $500,000+
Parking: $48,000 (for two- and three-bedroom suites)
Locker: $5,000
Maintenance: $0.53/s.f.
Maintenance fees exclude: Hydro, parking maintenance (if applicable)
Architect: Core Architects
Interior design: Mike Niven
Amenities: Gym, theatre, water spa, billiards room, outdoor terrace, bar, guest suites (2), concierge
Expected occupancy: November 2016
THE GOOD
A little full disclosure to start: I've written 20 of these Toronto condo reviews so far, and I try to be fair, I really do. Just as I remind myself whenever I take the TTC during rush hour — there's a little good in everyone, so try not to let loose on the guy who's saving the seat for his knapsack. And there's a little good in every condo too, right?
Usually, I try to give equal(ish) words to the good and bad, but suffice to say that Noir is not my favourite project (more about that later, of course). I'll give a few words to its boons, but you'll have to excuse my brevity.
The intersection of Peter and Adelaide will not go out of style. So close to King and Spadina transit, and perpetually neighboured by clubs, restaurants, and of course, the Hilton Garden, this address will not suddenly become a barren land of forgotten real estate. It's not a neighbourhood with the sort of character you might ascribe to Leslieville or Roncesvalles, but there will always be people who want to live in Toronto's downtown core. In that way, Noir has a superb address.
The building also offers great amenities for those who are keen on entertaining. While I'm forced to resort to homemade banana bread and my wit (pfft) to entertain guests, Noir residents will have some pretty spectacular-looking outdoor terraces, a theatre room, a water spa, and more. While these amenities are not my personal make-or-break condo factors, they will certainly attract some potential Noir buyers.
THE BAD
Gag me, please. While I often brush off condo brochure text as mere marketing babble, this one was just too terrible to ignore. The entire Noir brochure is written as diary entries in the first person perspective (complete with illegible "handwriting" font, no less), ostensibly to give the reader a glimpse inside the mind of a leather-leggings-clad bleach-blonde would-be Noir resident. Here's just one awful excerpt:
"When I told Grace I was moving into Noir she grilled me. Is there a gym, movie theatre, billiards table? YES. Water spa with massage? YES. Co-ed steam room? OH YES. Then she smiled one of her secret, knowing smiles. I wouldn't have thought it was possible but her twinkling aquamarine eyes seemed to shine even brighter. "
Fuck you, Grace. Who specifically asks about a "water spa with massage?" As if that's standard? Take a whiff of the air out in there the real world, Grace, and open those pretty little aquamarine eyes to fixed-rate financing. It's your type that's ruining the reputation of our entire generation.
The big problem with Noir — and frankly, the problem with too many new condo developments in Toronto — is that it's selling a "lifestyle" with little attention to day-to-day livability. Sure, that water massage might feel awesome the odd time you get around to using it, but the rest of the time you'll be living in a tiny suite (one-bedrooms under 500 square feet, three-bedrooms at 780 square feet), with a burdening mortgage, no nearby green space, in an area with ever-increasing (and arguably, crippling) density, and a parking spot that costs twice as much as your car.
If Noir really wants to sell its suites, it needs to convince me that this tower, as opposed to the seemingly identical three others for sale nearby, will offer the best investment and most comfortable lifestyle. I don't need a co-ed steam room or a billiards table — I'd much rather the assurance that my maintenance fees won't skyrocket once the bills for those amenities add up. And a little square footage for my dollar. The rest, as some notable municipal politicians like to say, is just gravy.
THE VERDICT
It's all yours, Grace.
What do you think? Would you live here? Add your comments to the thread below.
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Discussion
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Word of warning for those thinking about buildings by Menkes, yes you get a nice building but they are a builder known to have high condo fees only a few years after the building is done. For comparison purposes, in many of their buildings, after about 5 years, their condo fee rates are at about $0.65-0.70/sq ft not including hydro or parking. You compare that to a more general average of $0.57-.60 and its expensive.
http://www.buzzbuzzhome.com/noir-condos/units/condos/the-inkwell
Also, I guess the only people they want to attract are douchebags. And actually, I'm all for collecting the douchebags all in one place though - not to ostracize them or anything - just so I know if I avoid one particular area, I'll be safe to roam douche-free elsewhere.
I live in a 2-bedroom 1054 square foot condo (33 Bay -- Pinnacle) and fitting in a third bedroom into this would be difficult. It would be nothing more than a child size 8x8 ft room with a tiny closet if they had tried. Thankfully mine has a huge living room, a big open den, and 2 decent size bedrooms with a walk-in closet in one and a good-size closet in the other.
Whoever approves these condos (and the 100 or so that look exactly the same before them) has literally ruined the look of this City.
If you want to see what Toronto could look like, visit Chicago.
The fact is that both of those cities embraced tall buildings, WELL before Toronto did - some of their skyscrapers are pushing 100 years old. Their skylines are a reflection of multiple periods of architectural history, and let's face it, many of the more "inconic" buildings in those cities were not built recently. In fact, I suspect that the condo buildings or office tower you would cite as "inconic" or an example of excellent design were all built more than 20 years ago.
I also suspect that if you were to single out the condos and office towers in those cities that are of similar vintage to Toronto's condo boom (which remember, is less than 10 years old), you'd probably find a similar look to them as we have here.
That's not to say we can't and shouldn't do better - I just think that the comparison needs to be apples to apples and not apples to organges.
At the end of the day, expecting the city to deal with design issues is ludicrous - the City is primarily concerned that building are built to code, and within existing City by-laws and the official City plan. The look of the building is on the developer - if a glass box sells they'll build it. Buyers have to be more demanding.
Jesse, your admirable honesty would lessen profit margins. Condo marketing is all about making people think that they're entering a luxury "lifestyle", when in reality, they are getting an apartment in a concrete building. Lipstick on a pig.
What the developer can be accused of is determining a fee rate that is too low to begin with in order to attract buyers. But, ALL new condos (with or without spectacular amenities) are victim to this. To make the statement that Menkes is the only developer that has condo fees rise significantly is false.
Conversely, one of the more common reasons that fees may go up is pressure on the board from the property management company. Their fee for service is tied to revenue from condo fees. I know for a fact that property managers tend not to get raises unless they can secure a fee increase from the board.
The most important factor in condo living is having a sane and conscientious board of directors and property manager. This will be THE #1 factor in problem free condo living with reasonable fees.
Not defending Vaughan or anything, just trying to understand the relevance of your comment.
Frankly I'm happy they build places like this - keeps the kind of people I detest far away from the sanctity of my East End neighbourhood :)
http://condos.ca/neighbourhoods/waterfront+communities+c01/76
This is the best thing ever.
Stay out of the East!!
There is nothing wrong with the "New Black"...I'm a white woman and married to a tall black man for over 5 years :-)
Did you just say 'three-bedrooms at 780 square feet'?
Oh, I really can't imagine owning such flats...no matter how beautiful it looks.
It's not all bad though. Once you get out of the King W/Cityplace/Southcore condo clusters, there are some beautiful midrise "avenue" style proposals that are filling in the gaps along our old commercial streets.
That said, our skyline is far from littered with new condos. Take a trip up the CN Tower, and you'll notice that by and far our skyline is still dominated by the major banks towers and '60s/'70s commercial and apartment blocks.
That is all.
Afraid of people speaking the truth? Jackasses
ooo big lefty liberals are blogTO oppressing your freedom?
Fuck you, Midight Star.