Live 8... forget water, pack viagra.

In a recent post, I spoke of my excitement at the insanity that is Live 8 coming to Toronto. Now, faced with the announced lineup, watching on TV sounds like a more enjoyable alternative.

A heavy dose of old timers, adult comtemporary and 'are-they-still-together?' bands make up the bulk of the lineup with a pinch of new blood probably being slated as early afternoon openers.

I'm not trying not to be overly ageist here, but really, c'mon Canada.

Convening at Park Place in Barrie (Park what?), this is your much-anticipated lineup:

In the What-the-#$%@ category:

- Deep Purple
- Motley Crue

(dear God)

In the Good-Live-But-Who-Cares-Anymore category:

- Bryan Adams
- Great Big Sea
- Our Lady Peace

In the Harmonica Toting dept:

- Gordon Lightfoot
- Bachman/Cummings Band
- Bruce Cockburn
- Blue Rodeo
- Tom Cochrane

In the Probably-ass-kissing-for-a-duet-with-the-previous-5-guys category:

- Sam Roberts

In the Time-To-Go-Buy-A-$10-Hot-Dog-and-Pee area:

- African Guitar Summit
- DobaCaracol featuring Kna'an
- Les Trois Accords

In the Grab Bag :

- Barenaked Ladies
- Simple Plan

In the Pathetic-Satellite-Appearance category:

- Celine Dion (yes, via satellite)

and finally, in the You-Know-She's-Going-To-Make-Fun-of-This-Whole Thing,-Especially-Celine-Dion category:

- Jann Arden
- Tegan & Sara (if they're gutsy enough)

Hosting duties go to none other than our local blues brother, Dan Aykroyd (once again), but he's not alone. Apparently he's too cool on his own and, as such, the most nausea-enducing 'act' to ever be bred in this country (no, not Celine) will co-host. Enter Tom Green.

It's pretty bad, and it's going to have it's really lame moments (surely), but all in all, it'll probably turn out alright if you have any room in your heart for old Canadiana. We all know that guys like Tom Cochrane put on a great live show (provided he sings Life Is A Highway, of course, 'cause he'd get tomatoes thrown if he denied us).

Is it worth the heatstroke? That's up to you.