The Gods, pleased with the sweet smell of our burnt offerings, have given us one of the best line-ups that Toronto will ever see. Pilgrims, please enter this week in comedy.

MON OCT 29 / TIM SIMS CREAM OF COMEDY / SECOND CITY / 51 MERCER / 8PM / $15

The Tim Sims Encouragement Fund was established in memory of Toronto comedic performer, Tim Sims. Five finalists out of a field of 21 will have 15 minutes to prove that they should win $5,000.00 and a scholarship to the Toronto Second City Training Centre. Having seen all of them perform last month (I lost), I can honestly tell you that this one is going to come down to the wire. Robert Keller, Christi Olson, Ben Beauchemin, Templeton Philharmonic, and Jamie O'Connor are all outstanding performers and worthy of centre stage. Your host for the evening will be three-time Canadian Comedy Award winner Kristeen Von Hagen.

TUES OCT 30 / LIL' PUMPKINS HALLOWEEN COMEDY HOUR / DOUBLE DOUBLE LAND / 30 KENSINGTON / 9PM / FREE

This is easily my favourite show of the week. Chris Locke, James Hartnett, David Dineen-Porter, Tom Henry, and Kathleen Phillips always have me dying with laughter. I love them because of who they are on stage, rather than the individual jokes they tell. Oh, and if you don't like DDP's .ppt (featured), we can't be friends anymore.

WED OCT 31 - SUN NOV 4 / DAVE MERHEJE feat. DAVE PATERSON / ABSOLUTE COMEDY / 2335 YONGE / 8PM / $6-15

I had to do some research for this one. On May 13th 2012, I asked Dave, ''Dude...how are you not the most famous guy in Canada right now?' He replied, 'I gotta be patient...my time will come...its like the calm before the storm.' Fast forward six months later, he's become the funniest guy on MTV. It couldn't have happened to a nicer, and more deserving, human being. If you're not laughing in the first three minutes of the above clip, you can't play (it's my tennis ball).

WED OCT 31 - SUN NOV 4 / LEE CAMP / YUK YUK'S / 224 RICHMOND W / 8PM / $11-20

He's shared the stage with Obama, has a Howard Zinn quote (read, A People's History of the US) tattooed on his arm, and his credits include everything from ABC to the Edinburgh Fringe Festival. Need I say more?

WED OCT 31 - SAT NOV 10 / DARK COMEDY FESTIVAL / VARIOUS LOCATIONS / FESTIVAL PASS $69.99

Fresh on the heels of Just For Laughs, we now have the Dark Comedy Festival, headlined with Maria Bamford, Jim Norton, and Eddie Pepitone. A festival pass ensures that you get premium seating for Bamford and Pepitone, as well as access to every other show on the schedule. When I first started out as a comic, I didn't like the idea of dark comedy, which I thought was just a bunch of comedians going through the rape, abortion, suicide, and paedophilia obstacle course, yelling and swearing all the while. I've learned that the best dark comics let you see the world through the lens of their microscope, and often have the audience laughing at them and their take on the subject, rather than the subject/victim.

About the Author: This is Michael Jagdeo, and I refuse to write about myself in the third-person. My blog, Diary of a Stand-up Comedian, teaches you how to be - and how not to be - a comedian in Toronto.