Muzik Beach

Muzik Beach nightclub is like a caricature of a nightclub. It's like something from the set of a film: everywhere you look, it's protein shake-fuelled bros in too-well-fitting clothes and women with hair that's surely more high maintenance than most people's jobs. These aren't teenagers, either; this is definitely a club for adults. A disco ball winks and glitters from the gorgeous domed ceiling, and there's an actual beauty bar in the club where gals can get even more dolled up.

The club adds to the circusey vibe going on in the area: its neighbours are the CNE and Medieval Times. The clientele could easily fit it at either one of those places in the event that they get lost. Regardless of what I think of this space, however, they do offer a unique outdoor clubbing experience. They've got a series of interconnected patios claiming to offer "something for everyone." I don't know about everyone , but I'd be willing to concede that it has something for everyone who likes to go clubbing, at least.

There's a beer garden toward the front, with a few different options on tap and lots of seating. They're going to host a weekly kegger there, too (yeaahhhhh, buddy....). Behind that, there's a Veuve champagne lounge, with lovely curtained cabanas (perfect for ferociously making out in semi-privacy). Keep walking and there's a pool area, with more cabanas adorned in flowy white fabric and a couple of full bars. There are spaces for private bottle service that work the same way as booths in a club, as well as the option to just go up and order a drink.

In the back, there's another garden area. If you plan to come and hang out here, you can call ahead and order a picnic specifically tailored to what your group is looking for. Cover here is free for women before 11 p.m., and it's usually about $20 for men, depending on the event or DJ playing that night. Capacity is about 3,000 (kind of a scary thought?).

A word to the wise. Here's what not to wear to this venue: barf-green anorak, beat up cowboy boots and a thrift store dress. You will be scorned. Case in point: on my way out, fancy PR lady with bouncy hair extensions stops me to remind me that this place, in fact, has a beauty bar. She waves her manicured hand in a circle around my bedraggled visage, and tells me I might want to go to get "this" fixed up. I just laugh and tell her, "Naw, too late."

This place is for fancy folk only, everybody. But, if you fancy yourself fancy, Muzik is a top-notch choice.

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