Darryl's Hard Liquor and Porn Film Reviews

* = Find it. Watch it.

Since brevity is the soul of wit, I'll be brief.

Call on Me - slickly made aerobics-as-foreplay music video.

The Art of the 'Throw-In' - commercial for a soccer-training video, fun with double-entendres.

*MILF Hotline - commercial, she's eight months pregnant and hot for you!

*Tales of Mere Existence: Party - monotone voice-over recounts heavily sexed thoughts as illustrative sketches are drawn on screen. Sharp and fast. Two subsequent films in same style, equally cool.

Cat Sitter 3: In Japan - beckoning cat masturbation. First person camera.

The Butcher and the Baker - silent black and white, man and woman on a date, fun with close ups and reveals.

*Tales of Mere Existence: Jealous - as above.

Les Putes - Straight boys in drag = always funny. In French = even funnier. Portrays that bj/hj conundrum.

Clown Porn: A News 5 Expose - local news exposes clown porn.

*Tales of Mere Existence: Horny - as above.

Vider le Sac - in French again; a man weeps while confessing alone in a car. Of course he's not really alone.

Sasha & Freddie - conservative gay man proposes to lesbian, because he believes in all that family values stuff. Other political gags ensue.


Butt Song - ass puppetry, to music.

Matroshka Dolls of Doom - hot Russian chicks get it on with three dudes turned into nesting dolls.

*Julien - disturbing ink drawn animation of nude woman trying to seduce some kid. Really well done but creepy.

XTC - 2 dudes take speed to prep for a night out. Whoops, it's actually E and they totally went gay for each other.

*Doggie Style - cartoon. Cute little puppy dog humps a teddy bear. All night long. You kind of feel bad for the kid.

The Math Erection - commercial for kids instructional video that combines math with porn. The kids will be begging to do their homework.

Vertical Integration - slickly shot, besuited dudes stand silently in an elevator. It's a queue. I won't spoil the surprise.


*Origasmi - Must see. Animated folded paper man finds flat paper pin up pic. She comes to life, and they go at it like you've never seen.

*Call on Me - inverts premise of first 'Call on Me' (see above). Worth seeing just for the money shot of the guy doing pelvic thrusts in gym shorts while freeballing.


*Lobby - Remember that clip they used to show before movies, where the hotdogs and popcorn sang 'let's all go to the lobby, and buy ourselves a snack'? Replace the hotdog with an animated penis and popcorn with breasts, and you're just getting a glimpse of where Simpson goes with it. I think it's working in kids television that does it.

Radio Porn - black and white (redubbed old footage) documentary of QC history of porn on the radio.

Lust in Translation - same people from Sasha and Freddie. Two people from different countries inadvertently talk dirty in the other's native language.

Les Alcoves de l'Amour - handheld first person stalker sexually obsessed with armpits.

Anonymous, 1855 - ye olde nickelodeon porn.

*Saddle Up - animated - ride the altar boy (like the fake horse rides in suburban malls). Saves wear and tear on the real thing.

*Bushes - watch the faces of women getting waxed. And reconsider your next appointment.

Mobo Porno - now your mobile phone can play music, take photos, and get you off. You know it's only a matter of time. They already vibrate.

Construction Workers - scrawny dudes hoot and holler between footage of actual construction workers. Are they hollerin' at the workers? Who knows, but they look pretty funny doing it anyway.

Yoga Ho - yoga video for the enlightened sex worker. Learn how to please five men at once.

*Baby baby - really, really good; kind of 3d animation follows a super cute girl as she grows up over the course of her relationships and sexual encounters. Crazy 3d cartoon sex and an important message about prophylactics.

Behind the Camera - mockumentary. You know the pinhole camera? Meet the inventor of ass-hole photography.


*Agence de Voyage #03 - travel agent Barbie gets freaky with Michael Jackson doll (in red sparkly coat and white glove). Yoda cameos.

*Sissy Boy Slap Party - Guy Maddin (therefore either over my head or just not as hip as he thinks) dreams up a black and white lazy tropical realm where, once the old guy in the towel leaves, all the shirtless buff dudes start slapping each other. It escalates. If you can explain this to me, I'll be eternally grateful. Beautifully shot, though.

* As Seen on TV - infomercial presented by a guy in drag, offering an alternative for those with a latex intolerance. Watch it for the free special gift - this butt plug can do more than the best swiss army knife.

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