Tips for discussing final wishes and plans with your aging loved ones

Life is full of preparing for the major moments, like graduations, vacations, tuition, and weddings. But what about funerals? Planning for end-of-life events can feel uncomfortable if you aren't prepared, but it's also inevitable. 

Funeral planning in a time of immediate need can be stressful and overwhelming for a grieving family, while planning ahead gives you more time to research, communicate, and ensure the important details are aligned. 

Wondering where to begin? Here's a checklist of questions you can ask your older loved ones to get started, as recommended by the experts at Dignity Memorial.

What has already been arranged

Before you begin, it's important to know what arrangements are already in place. The easiest way to do this is to ask your loved one if anything has been arranged, and where that information is kept.

This is also a good opportunity to test the waters and get a better understanding of how open or sensitive the topic of end-of-life planning is to your loved one. Discuss as much or as little as you're comfortable with, and revisit this conversation over time as needed. 

Cremation or burial preferences

Buried or cremated is the classic question, but there's some extra information you'll need to know. What sort of casket or urn do they want? Would they prefer direct cremation, or a viewing and memorial service included as well? And most notably, where would they like to be laid to rest? 

There are different options and price points for all these considerations, and making plans in advance ensures you lock in today's prices while avoiding emotional and financial overspending.   

The personal touches that matter most 

Funerals and end-of-life celebrations can look different for everyone. Perhaps your loved ones want something low-key, like an immediate burial or cremation with no service, or something elaborate where all loved ones can come together in a celebration or gathering. 

Personal touches can include things like catering, music, flowers, mementos, remembrance items, and basically anything else you can come up with. Discuss with your loved one how to best make their end-of-life celebration honour their memory, and feel at ease knowing your arrangements are literally what they would have wanted. 

Important reminders

It's important to bear in mind how your loved one might be feeling about this conversation. When asking these questions, listen without taking over, respect any hesitation they might have, and work through the conversation over time. 

The best way to ensure wishes are met when the time comes is to write everything down together, and you can use the above points in your checklist.

It's also helpful to use Dignity Memorial's free planning guides for support. The Insider's Guide to Funeral & Cremation Planning is free online, or you can also call 866-668-1841 to speak directly to a funeral advisor. You don't have to navigate these conversations alone.