Breaking: Toronto lost $6.66 trillion worth of labour-hours today as citizens broke free from the shackles of employment to watch the newest landing of the chaos-nado at City Hall / permanently affixed to Rob Ford's drug-enhanced third eye. The Mayor announced he will relinquish his Skeksis-like grip on the crown of Crazy Town due to medical complications, choosing instead to run for city council. Before we were freed from Ford More Years, Doug Ford officially signed on to take Rob's place in the mayoral tragicomedy campaign.
As expected, Twitter (and everyone at your TTC stop) had something to say. Here's what you did instead of work today, Toronto.
BREAKING: Rob Ford is out of the mayoral race. Doug Ford is in. http://t.co/IctshDM7aR #TOpoli pic.twitter.com/hCaQB53mMN
— blogTO (@blogTO) September 12, 2014Mel Lastman on CP24: "Well! Let me tell ya! NOOOOOBODY has seen anything like this!"
— Matt Elliott (@GraphicMatt) September 12, 2014I'll say it again - If the Rob Ford saga had been written as fiction, it would have been deemed too unbelievable for publication.
— robyndoolittle (@robyndoolittle) September 12, 2014Via @fumano pic.twitter.com/oD0ilU7MXc | #voteTO #TOpoli | So wait-a-minute: Rob has had Pain for "3" months. Now note date stamp of that tweet.
— HïMY SYeD (@HiMYSYeD) September 12, 2014I was really looking forward to watching Rob Ford be defeated by a democratic vote. Sadly, our city will now be deprived of that moment.
— Andrea Houston (@dreahouston) September 12, 2014re: Rob Ford news. http://t.co/flhCFunvtk
— jeff karpala (@jeffkarpala) September 12, 2014This is the shittiest Game of Thrones story arc ever #TOPoli
— (Ter)Rance Mulliniks (@T_Balazo) September 12, 2014I hate that the phrase "Ford pulled out" keeps going through my head
— Steve Murray (@NPsteve) September 12, 2014@Ben_T_Johnson Just at the bank machine ....
— iamdavidmiller (@iamdavidmiller) September 12, 2014BREAKING: Doug Ford releases mayoral platform. #TOpoli #Toronto #onpoli pic.twitter.com/nZKHvUyRmp
— Chris Cowley (@oectagovernor) September 12, 2014Now it's real: "The Mammoliti camp is formally endorsing Doug," Giorgio Mammoliti says in a call to CP24.
— Daniel Dale (@ddale8) September 12, 2014Here's the full text of #RobFord's statement regarding today's developments. http://t.co/O8PDqrkFPs #TOpoli
— blogTO (@blogTO) September 12, 2014BREAKING: it's official, a man who told an autistic kid's dad to "go to hell" is now running for mayor. http://t.co/RwTymEIsNi
— Raina (@RahRahRaina) September 12, 2014Little red apples for mayor. #topoli
— sarah liss (@lisstless) September 12, 2014"I've never seen Rob drink at any event. Ever." -- Cllr. Doug Ford http://t.co/l7k27b3jpN #rfpoli pic.twitter.com/vpwmc6mxLK
— Chris Hutchinson (@christ) November 2, 2013For people who were wishing that the next mayor be "anybody but Rob Ford," BE MORE SPECIFIC NEXT TIME.
— wini (@winiw) September 12, 2014You can't even say "at least it's not Ford."
— Richard Trapunski (@trapunski) September 12, 2014Indeed. RT @CP24: CP24 reporter says Doug Ford was visibly emotional as he signed his own nomination papers pic.twitter.com/BKWREUfdbO
— Claire Kerr (@snotforprofit) September 12, 2014It is a full out jihad against us right now.
— Shit Doug Ford Says (@shitdougfordsay) July 4, 2014¯\_(ツ)_/¯ #TOpoli
— Radio Free DanJo (@Daniel_Joseph) September 12, 2014Thinking about Doug Ford as mayor is like gazing deep into the Eye of Sauron. #TOpoli
— Scott Dagostino (@scottdagostino) September 12, 2014But how up-to-snuff are Doug's DJ skills? #TOPoli pic.twitter.com/y6JjEWdRLb
— Ryan McNutt (@RyanMcNutt) September 12, 2014Toronto is the best TV show on Twitter.
— Aaron Wherry (@AaronWherry) September 12, 2014Rob Ford will stay in the race, but for city council instead of mayor. http://t.co/V2rtpaXdld #TOpoli pic.twitter.com/idi8Vwb0GP
— blogTO (@blogTO) September 12, 2014OK, if there ever was a tape of Rob doin Jazzercize (and there wasn't), it's gone. Are we f*ckin clear now? #topoli
— 80s Doug Ford (@80sDougFord) June 5, 2013BREAKING: STATEMENT FROM ROB FORD NOISE TAPE pt. 1 pic.twitter.com/pkwPdN9BJt
— Weird Canada (@weirdcanada) September 12, 2014I've been saying all along, what the Rob Ford campaign really needed was for Rob Ford's less likable counterpart to step in.
— Will Sloan (@WillSloanEsq) September 12, 2014Here is exclusive footage of Doug Ford speaking to Toronto (Simba is Toronto): http://t.co/130j8PT269 #TOPoli
— (Ter)Rance Mulliniks (@T_Balazo) September 12, 2014Rob Ford drops out of the election, and Nothing Was the Same in Toronto ever again.
— Drake4Mayor (@Drake4Mayor) September 12, 2014