20070608_catnip.jpg

Toronto Police Crackdown on the Drunkenly Disabled

We live in The Simpsons' universe. I have infallible proof to back up this claim: Not only is the Terminator in charge of a state with a larger population and higher GDP than Canada, but you can get in shiesse with the Toronto fuzz for "driving" your mother's wheelchair while drunk.

Patrick Shanahan was placed on 18 months' probation two days ago for ripping down a sidewalk while his blood alcohol level was over the legal limit. He was also fined 600 Canadian loons and ordered to seek counseling.

Ask yourself, could you have resisted tearing up the tarmac on a super comfy three-wheeler driven by a freakin' joystick if given the opportunity, let alone being tankered at the time said opportunity was given? One of the best times I had in my life was when I road my bike home from Church and Danforth Bloor to Main and Kingston at 2 am while pissed. It was so fun I probably could've netted myself actual jail time. Anyone else have a story akin to Shanahan's big wheel joyride? C'mon, I know a bunch of you had to suffer through college somehow...

EDIT: Thanks Tribe Mod, I actually meant Church and Bloor (which pretty much becomes Danforth on the other side of the bridge). Mistake was not so much because I was blitzed (pleasantly tipsy is more like it), but that it was a long time ago and I have swiss cheese for memory.


Join the conversation Load comments

Latest in City

Trinity Bellwoods park is getting way too crowded

OSAP cuts are more significant than Ontario students anticipated

U of T ranked 18th best public university in the world

Ontario government wants to raise driver fees less than one year after freezing them

Shoppers Drug Mart is offering same-day delivery in Ontario

TTC halts Relief Line planning because of Doug Ford's transit plans

There's a one-day TTC subway closure this weekend

Canada just banned the import and export of shark fins