20070608_catnip.jpg

Toronto Police Crackdown on the Drunkenly Disabled

We live in The Simpsons' universe. I have infallible proof to back up this claim: Not only is the Terminator in charge of a state with a larger population and higher GDP than Canada, but you can get in shiesse with the Toronto fuzz for "driving" your mother's wheelchair while drunk.

Patrick Shanahan was placed on 18 months' probation two days ago for ripping down a sidewalk while his blood alcohol level was over the legal limit. He was also fined 600 Canadian loons and ordered to seek counseling.

Ask yourself, could you have resisted tearing up the tarmac on a super comfy three-wheeler driven by a freakin' joystick if given the opportunity, let alone being tankered at the time said opportunity was given? One of the best times I had in my life was when I road my bike home from Church and Danforth Bloor to Main and Kingston at 2 am while pissed. It was so fun I probably could've netted myself actual jail time. Anyone else have a story akin to Shanahan's big wheel joyride? C'mon, I know a bunch of you had to suffer through college somehow...

EDIT: Thanks Tribe Mod, I actually meant Church and Bloor (which pretty much becomes Danforth on the other side of the bridge). Mistake was not so much because I was blitzed (pleasantly tipsy is more like it), but that it was a long time ago and I have swiss cheese for memory.


Join the conversation Load comments

Latest in City

The history of Markham's massive Cathedral of the Transfiguration

The surprisingly radical history of that church they built the Toronto Eaton Centre around

Bluffer's Park is home to the only beach along the Scarborough Bluffs

This is what three of the biggest new subway stations will be like on the Ontario Line

The roof at the Rogers Centre is open and people have thoughts on what it could be used for

Shoppers are lining up outside Toronto retail stores and you should stop judging them

Toronto couple picked up 6,000 garbage masks and gloves and they're not happy about it

Toronto Police rescue dog found running along the Gardiner Expressway