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Toronto's Bits & Pieces -


There is such a multitude of things that entertain me in news, in sports and certainly in entertainment. I have to organize some type of list. Just for you guys.

- Who is doing the marketing for the Blue Jays? Since the retro phase seems to chugging towards its zenith, it's high time we dusted off the powder-blue uniforms. If the Jays put those babies on the market, I'd pick one up - and I hate wearing jerseys. Speaking of which...

- I have a man-crush on Troy Glaus. The man has the chance to be the most feared right-handed batter in Blue Jays history. Furthermore, he makes Vernon Wells appreciably better. (By the way, Vernon looks like Dr. Evil in person. It's uncanny.) While we're on the subject of man crushes -

- Brokeback Mountain was marvelous. As someone that doesn't usually enjoy "slice of life" films this one really held my attention. Two highlights from my Toronto viewing: about 15 - 20 people laughing uncomfortably when they cut to an outside shot of a hotel the boys were staying in; that's what I usually do when I see a screen-shot of a non-descript hotel at nighttime - have a little chuckle. My girlfriend stating emphatically after the movie that she wished there were more guy on guy action, which was immediately followed by me making the same face Michelle Williams made when she found out her husband was in love with a dude.

- The record of the Toronto Maple Leafs since I said they were a .500 team: 6 - 0.

- The Raptors having one more win than the Knicks. Isn't that kind of like Final Destination 3 making more money than Harry Potter?

- Is there any difference between a Canadian Junior stating, "the Finns got scared" and Sean Avery saying that French Canadians who wear visors "take cheap-shots"? Anything? Maybe it's just me, but I don't see a difference. So why is every sports media personality treating Avery like he intentionally gave their sister herpes? There are two reasons I can think of: 1. to make themselves look smarter, and, 2. because they're jealous he might be banging Elisha Cuthbert. Frankly, those are both good reasons.

Sean slides in my book, because I dismantled him in a Spinning Class when he was dating Rachel Hunter. True story.

- There is nothing better than a good weight-loss story on a TV talk show. That's why I PVR Oprah. (You heard me.)

- If I were ever put in charge of the obesity problem in Toronto, my first course of action would be to ban anyone under the age of 60, who doesn't have a disability, injury or traveling suitcase from standing on an escalator.

- Speaking of being lazy, just once I'd love to see someone make a New Years resolution in mid-October. I mean, we'd need to find a different name for the resolution, but hopefully you get the spirit of the idea. How about: "Being Pro-Active"?

- If Kiefer Sutherland ran for PM, I'd vote for him.

(I'm being serious. Compliment him with competent people, familiar with Canadian politics, give him final say on major policy issues and televise him yelling at foreign delegates.)

- I'm not sure that I have ever been more flummoxed with something than I am with the critical acclaim "A History Of Violence" is receiving. Truthfully, I thought it was the most unentertaining, awkward, regrettable and unintentionally comedic film I saw in 2005.

What am I missing? I must be missing something! The two sex-scenes in the movie? I'd be more comfortable going to a strip club with my Grandfather. The dialogue? Made the majority of the theatre laugh. Overall, I legitimately thought somebody was staging an elaborate practical joke on the entire audience. This genuinely bothers me. Normally, I have good sense for the pulse of a film. Do I need to see it again? Somebody, help!

- We're about 15 - 20 days away from Dominick Hasek going on the shelf for 12 weeks with a groin injury.

- Mikael Tellqvist has a better goals-against-average and save percentage than Ed Belfour. I wonder when this becomes relevant? Not saying he should start, but if Belfour's back acts up and the Leafs go 7 - 2 with Telly in his absence? Well...

- When was the last time it was sunny?

SA


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