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Rob Ford gets help with his next apology

Posted by Chris Bateman / November 8, 2013

rob ford apologyIf Rob Ford needs help finding words for future apologies, and right now it seems like there are a few more in the pipes, he might consult this handy form created by graphic designer Kyle Conway. The penitent mayor simply needs to fill the blanks and check the relevent boxes next time a video or police wiretap exposes frightening behaviour or a newspaper reveals evidence of substance abuse.

The apology form is customized for Ford and features several of his favourite lines: "It was in a drunken stupor" and "please re-elect me in 2014," plus a few new ones to keep in the bank. Its look is based on a product by fill-in-the-blank stationary company Bureau of Communication.

"I figure Mayor Ford can just carry around a pad of these and issue them to people as each scandal occurs," Conway says. "It will save him so much time in the long run."

"Hopefully Mayor Ford himself sees this and recognizes just how crazy the whole situation has become and seeks the help he so desperately needs."

BONUS: It's Rob Ford apology bingo, courtesy of Matt Elliott at Metro.

Chris Bateman is a staff writer at blogTO. Follow him on Twitter at @chrisbateman.

Image: Kyle Conway



harold / November 8, 2013 at 10:43 am
It's mayor's, not mayors

How about a bit of effort instead of just ripping off someone else's work?

And Kyle is a graphic designer?

Design your own apology form, lazyass.
W. K. Lis / November 8, 2013 at 10:55 am
Forgot the "God bless the people of Toronto" footnote.

I roll my eyes whenever Rob says that.
JackAss replying to a comment from harold / November 8, 2013 at 10:57 am
Get a life, loser.
nistan / November 8, 2013 at 11:00 am
I know someone VERY close to me who grew up in an alcoholic, dysfunctional family. These are NOT the people who should be in office. They will be in denial to the bitter end because they CANNOT see what THEY are doing wrong and apologies are ALWAYS BS!
Terry / November 8, 2013 at 11:21 am
That's relevant.
Herry / November 8, 2013 at 11:49 am
The head office of the Toronto star should be nuked. This moron publication serves ZERO purpose other than destroying peoples lives for the sake of destroying other peoples lives. As for Fords rant, WHO FREAKIN' Cares !! Everybody goes on rants every now and then. I do, my neighbour does, a few relatives, even YOU do ! I don't live in Toronto and I am not a conservative but Ford is a pretty good mayor FOR MANY REASONS !!!!! Most politicians these are corrupt P O S ! Ford has already saved the city over a billion dollars ! I think a lot of people(idiots) should mind their OWN business !Just leave the guy alone and LET HIM DO HIS JOB !!! Stupid losers !!!!!
Kyle Conway replying to a comment from harold / November 8, 2013 at 11:53 am
Harold, its meant to be a one off joke I quickly put together for friends that I decided to share with everyone. I accredited the original source to Chris. The fact i'm a graphic designer is irrelevant. Its the message not the medium. Thanks, and have a great day :)
Mike / November 8, 2013 at 11:57 am
Al replying to a comment from Herry / November 8, 2013 at 12:06 pm
Ford has not saved the city $1 billion. In fact he has cost the city through the Scarborough gravy train, cancelling Transit City, the police raise and the Vehicle Tax repeal, all while raising property taxes.

I believe you when you say that you often go off on rants like the one in the video. Fortunately, people like you are a rarity.
B / November 8, 2013 at 12:13 pm
ENOUGH ! pro or against Rob Ford, enough is enough. This is still a human being. He has faults, just like you and me. He knows what needs to be done. Give him a chance to make things right.
PurpleJesus / November 8, 2013 at 12:29 pm

I know were all excited about all Ford news, but can we get the What's on this weekend posting?
W. K. Lis replying to a comment from PurpleJesus / November 8, 2013 at 12:35 pm
Sorry to disappointment you about this weekend. According to "Mayor Ford and Councillor Ford no longer on 'The City'". That's newstalk 1010, this Sunday, no Fords.
PurpleJesus replying to a comment from W. K. Lis / November 8, 2013 at 12:37 pm
Thanks for the Note! Was hoping for the BLOGTO weekend event listing.
mari / November 8, 2013 at 12:44 pm
Ford is done. Let's move on to Wynn, McGuinty, Mulcair and Trudeau -- all need to be investigated equally vigorously. Fair is fair.
mathesond replying to a comment from mari / November 8, 2013 at 12:50 pm
What about Harper, mari?
mari / November 8, 2013 at 01:01 pm
Absolutely. Fair is fair.
Simon replying to a comment from B / November 8, 2013 at 01:10 pm
If he knows it, he should fucking get on with it already: resign as mayor, publicly confess and apologize to all his criminal involvements, especially whatever role he played in the murder of Anthony Smith, go to rehab, see a therapist on a regular basis, ditch the hoodlum friends, never return to politics, and finally sell his share in the sticker factory and get employed on the basis of his merits instead of coasting on his inherited millions and his family name. It's what cultivated this absurd sense of entitlement he has in the first place. He's been dicking around on the public payroll for a decade and a half now, drinking on the job, getting high with random criminals, neglecting to perform or even read about what his job duties as an elected official entail like it's something to be proud of like it's something to be proud of, and periodically disrupting routine Council meetings by launching into explosive tirades for reasons unclear to anyone but his hillbilly constituents. We've given him more than enough time to grow up. Chance and chance after chance he's had to clean up his act and all he has managed to do is find more destructive ways to disgrace himself, disgrace his wife and children, disgrace his office, disgrace his constituents, disgrace the city, and finally disgrace democracy itself by acting like getting elected by a group of angry halfwits gives him license to do whatever he feels like. Most of Toronto ran out of patience for his bullshit long before he even ran for mayor. The stress did not do him in. The media did not do him in. The "latte-drinking elites" (code for Jews, Orientals and queers if there ever was one) did not do him in. Rob Ford has been morally bankrupt, intellectually absent and socially inept ever since he was a child, growing up in the shadow of his troglodyte hash-slinging older brothers and his Nazi-fucking heroin addict sister. He always has been a fuck-up and probably always will be. It's not up to you or me or anyone else to give him a chance. He's had too many already. It's up to him to prove he is capable of self-improvement.
Ling Gu replying to a comment from Simon / November 8, 2013 at 01:25 pm
Best Ford comment EVER!
Robert replying to a comment from B / November 8, 2013 at 01:43 pm
he deserve no empathy, he has not earned it, he would never extend it to anyone. He has viciously attacked everyone that he does not agree with. he is racist and homophobic. He has no problem saying people deserve to die. He has shown no remorse. He lies about his lies then adds more lies.
Bobby / November 8, 2013 at 03:30 pm
What most Torontoians think of their mayor,
Greg Hannah replying to a comment from Herry / November 8, 2013 at 04:19 pm
That you believe Ford saved Toronto a billion dollars shows how weak minded you are that you would buy into that fabrication. You know he cost the city over $100M by cancelling Transit City and the Scarborough LRT right? You know the Toronto Sun lead with that video yesterday before the Toronto Star got it up online, even though they paid for it right? Thank goodness for the Toronto Star and their reporting, they've finally managed to put the monkey into a corner where he belongs and expose the two Ford spawn for all their weaknesses and lies (I honestly do feel sorry for Rob now even though I don't care for him, I hope he gets the help he needs).
You are in as much denial as the Ford clan.
Jahn / November 8, 2013 at 04:20 pm
Bombshells coming in tomorrow's Star! Stay tuned.
Mr.A replying to a comment from B / November 9, 2013 at 12:59 pm
Here's the thing;

Mayor Ford is a human, flawed just as anyone else is - on this we can agree.

The issue is, he does not seem to know "what needs to be done." His behaviour is not fitting for an elected official, and the obvious solution is to take a leave of absence, get his substance issues straightened out and let the city conduct business as it should without the circus Ford has created.

Ford has had six months to make things right; if I were one of his handlers, I would have advised him to confirm the video as soon as the story broke, take a leave of absence and enter rehab. Ford would likely be back in office today, as a man who stood up and took responsibility and faced his demons.

As it is, we have a man who denies, covers up and refuses to take any real responsibility. We have a guy whose ego is more important to him than the city he pretends to serve.
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