Rental of the week: somewhere in Bloor West Village
I almost find it amusing the way landlords can spin their questionable rental into almost seeming like something you'd want to live in.
Take this listing. On paper it sounds downright adorable!
It reads: "Newly renovated bright loft-style coach house. With a private patio, laundry and all utilities are included. It is walking distance to the subway. Quiet area and best suited for one person."
Just basing the rental off that write up I'd live there in a heartbeat. But unfortunately everything is actually code for something less appealing.
Let me break it down for y'all.
Okay so "coach house" really means garage. And I'm not even sure if it's a properly insulated garage. But regardless, it's still a far cry from the coach houses you see in Rosedale.
"Loft style", actually means you sleep on a rafter where if you sit up too quickly you give yourself a concussion.
How do you get your mattress up there you ask? No idea. But it probably involves MacGyver-ing a pulley system of some sort and a Casper mattress.
Also I just want to take a quick second to point out how crazy that ladder up to the "loft" area looks. Just looking at it makes my palms a bit sweaty and I can't imagine what an effort that would be to climb after a couple of drinks.
Finally, "best suited for one person", means it's 250-square-feet. Yeah. That's it.
And that means there is absolutely no room for a couch so I don't know where one would sleep if they're too drunk to scale a ladder to bed.
I mean there's a reason bunk beds stop being fun after the age of 12.
Injuring yourself trying to get in and out of bed.
You don't feel like breaking your neck trying to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.
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