K, picture tonnes of trumpets playing a really intense staccato note over and over, getting louder and louder each time. Like, brap, brAP, bRAP, BRAPPP. And then

Explosion noise!!

DUDEBOX IS FUCKING DEAD V: Return to the Carwash of Doooooom. "V" is the Roman numeral for five by the way. In case you were wondering. It's okay to admit that you were wondering what "V" meant. It means five.

Now since this year we're partying in a random carwash at King & Bathurst, we're gonna try to keep it clean. Not a pun. Kind of a pun. That means you should make sure to avoid dressing up as the Ebola virus because its just not very tasteful dog. Resist that urge. It's kind of tacky.

And while we're on the subject, don't wear your regular clothes and say "I'm just doing me bro" cause your costume sucks because you suck because you say things like "I'm just doing me bro". And if youre going to be a sexy anything, be a sexy feminist. Heres how to do it:

-Dress up as whatever you like

-Believe that women deserve to be treated with equal respect and dignity because humanity

-Thats actually it. This is just a bonus bullet point. Hope you enjoyed the ride.

Because youre probably wondering what the fuck this event even is, allow us to break it down for you. To unpack it a little. To cook it up real nice and cut it into little tiny bite-sized pieces.

Should we do it in all caps with too many exclamation marks though? Hahaha. Why even ask.

HIP HOPPPP!!!!! DANCE HALLLL!!!! BOUNCE!!!! ALL DRINKZ IS 5 BUCKSSSSS!!! HOT PEOPLE!!!! SPOOKY SHIT FROM THE DOLLER STOREEEE!!! New DDBX hatz that are super cool for $25? PEOPLE HASHTAGGING INSTEAD OF MAKING OUT!!!! PEOPLE MAKING OUT INSTEAD OF HASH TAGGING BUT OTHER PEOPLE TAKING PHOTOS OF THEM AND HASHTAGGING THINGS LIKE #thispartyisreallifetinder!!!!!!! I'M JUST DOING ME BRO!!!!

Make sense? Basically its gonna be a big ass party in a cool as shit carwash and youre invited as long as youre dope and really nice to people but also a little edgy at times. Not too edgy though. Just enough so that people think you're unusual but authentic. Also its for charity. Bonus.

DJS:

-James "melt your face and eat it" Nightingale https://soundcloud.com/james-redi-mixtapes

-John "super nice to meet you, try some delicious hot sauce" Chetty

https://soundcloud.com/jon-chetty

- YES YES Y'ALL'S Nino Brown & Yes Yes Jill

-Birthday "muthafuckin" Boy

https://soundcloud.com/birthdayboyofficial

DDBX IS FUCKING DEAD V. FRIDAY OCTOBER 31ST. 10PM. $10. 19. 689 KING STREET W @ BATHURST.

80 of profits donated to Manifesto Festival of Community and Culture www.mnfsto.com

20 reinvested into DDBX www.dudeboxgives.com

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