GTA Tripping: Upper Canada College
Given that my friends (and a new study released last week) have convinced me that using condoms as birth control makes me a sucker-idiot, I've started planning for my imminent pregnancy blessing/disaster. Imagining my future son (whom I will name, oh, let's say Alasdair Percival Reynolds), I can't help but envision the finest sort of man.
Though the boy is still just a handsome, gifted mistake over the horizon, I'm the sort of dad who plans ahead, probably. So this week I headed to Upper Canada College, Canada's most storied and prestigious prep school - a turbo-Hogwarts pumping out CEOs and (soon-to-be?) Prime Ministers - to scout the place out for my probable future progeny.
Upper Canada College is the real deal. Founded in 1829 and based on England's James William Bottomtooth III-worthy schools (Eton College, especially), the place has an air of crusty patrician entitlement, which is my favourite kind of entitlement.
The pedigree is undeniable. Prince Philip is the official visitor. Charles Dickens wrote favourably about the college. Michael Ignatieff and Robert Prichard (University of Toronto and Toronto Star boss) are both alumni, as well as Stephen Leacock, the celebrated humourist whose name, during his day, was said to be more well known around the world than Canada itself.
The credit cup runneth over: thirty percent of Canada's General's in WWII came out of Upper Canada College; the school has produced 24 Rhodes scholars and ten Olympic medalists, which is impressive considering I'm pretty sure we've only ever won eleven or so.
All of this is to say, if you are a pimply-faced pre-teen wearing a blue UCC uniform I am officially intimidated by you.
Being the delusional semi-megalomaniacal sort that I am, I'm apt to believe that Alasdair Percival Reynolds will fit right in with these people. I myself, however, do not. And so, on our arrival at the campus I was half expecting to be taken out by polo players. Or perhaps pinned to the perfectly manicured lawns and burned to death with monocle-amplified sun rays. Luckily, this being a weekend, the place was mostly empty and we were given free reign to explore the place. So explore we did, wandering the grounds, opening doors and trying on stray uniforms.
Strolling over the grounds first, we gaped at the sprawling and well-appointed athletic facilities. There was a football field, a baseball diamond, swimming pools and tennis courts. The tennis courts were nice enough, but not made of buzz-cut grass, the kind of stuff they use at Wimbledon. I had to let this go, but I secretly wondered about the hindered growth this oversight would cause. My boy will have to stick to rowing and cricket, I guess.
Charity and good will are certainly laudable virtues for an institution to have, and so it was pleasing to discover a pair of Salvation Army goodwill bins near the tennis courts. Curiosity, let's say, caused us to open these bins to see what was inside. Every item in those bins was freshly pressed and sitting in a dry cleaning bag. It was like dumpster diving behind Buckingham Palace.
Opening the heavy carved oak doors and heading inside we were blown away by the art and artifacts casually decking in the halls. An American flag from the top of one of New York City's tragic World Trade Center towers. A chair belonging originally to Sir John A. Macdonald.
We walked past the quantum mechanics laboratory (seriously) and went to the Creativity Center. The student art works were highly developed in content and style, and some of the accompanying artists' statements read like MFA theses. We even caught a glimpse at a Group of Seven original, of which the school purportedly has several.
Or had; the bulk of these were auctioned off in 2004 to pay for law suits surrounding accusations of sexual abuse committed by a couple of teachers. This may sound horribly cynical of me, but the fact that an all-boys school took 175 years to have a sex scandal is something, right?
The theatrical posters were also impressive, and hinted at the famous stage tradition at UCC. The school produces several plays per year, including many student-run productions. The Max Fischer in me (the character from Wes Anderson's Rushmore was the result I got yesterday in a Facebook quiz entitled "Which Cult Movie Character Are You?") longed for tuition and a time machine.
Wikipedia tells me that many of these student-run productions have featured controversial subject matter including underage smoking on stage and a recently performed homosexual kiss between students. I imagined Alasdair Percival pushing the envelope further, performing the school's first onstage virgin lamb slaughter to much critical acclaim.
My heart filled with future-pride, and the decision was made: Upper Canada College it is.
Comments (29)
Didn't Brendan Frasier go to this school? or was that just a movie? Or perhaps both scenarios are correct? wha?
Though I agree that there is a large number of douche bags that have come out of there, I would venture to say, regardless of were they went to school, inevitably they would end up being douche bags. Hmm, gmoney, nothing carbon copy about that handle, and Mike, I've never ever used coke with someone from UCC. Relax people, it's just a school.
Seriously? The level of education offered here is very, very high. The opportunities are unparalleled. What is "carbon copy" about any of the alumni I mentioned? Have you really thought about what you're saying?
But also, the kid's name is Alasdair Percival, and I linked to a Family Guy clip, I'm obviously just kidding, the whole thing is just for the lulz, doi!
I giggled at the intro to the article - you caught my attention. Very well written, and kept me captivated. I found it so intriguing to see inside the walls of the school. Neat!
I think you're great, plain and simple.
Your writing is an inspiration to get the F off the couch and go do something.
You do good.
Upper crust clowns with douchebag rich whitey parents.
I've never met a decent human being from that cesspool of entitlement.
It's sort of true about the rich whitey parents thing. The school has come under fire for years and years on charges of anti-semitism and being exclusively WASP. I've read though that in the past couple of decades they've made a concerted effort to attract people from all backgrounds (ethnic AND socio-economic, offering all kinds of bursaries). How successful this has been is up for debate though, for sure.
I went to Riverdale. My current boyfriend went to UCC - two totally different ends of the school scale. He's a pretty decent human being, although I have to agree with the whole parental WASP thing.
I understand where you're coming from, because unfortunately it tends to be the the douchiest students that speak the loudest, but it's not all bad.
I know enough douchbags that came out of Havergal, Appleby, Bishop Strachan etc., who all party at the social and think they're giving money to the poor by partying in parkdale.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Upper_Canada_College_alumni Say what you will about some of the folks on this list (ahem, Conrad Black), but "carbon copy douche" and similar comments seem perhaps a little misguided. Is the founder of Street Kids International a "douche"? How about the former Chief Justice of Ontario who was one of three judges who decided Halpern v. Canada (Attorney General)? Or is a douche someone who makes sweeping generalizations about people based on a single attribute like where they went to school?
None of you can bunch up any batch of kids as 'this douchy' or 'that douchy'... there are douchebags in every school and scholars in every school as well, and no matter how much you argue that will be the fact.
Am I the only one who was disappointed that the cost of a year there was not included in this article?
Wasn't Conrad Black expelled from from Upper Canada College for selling exam papers to fellow students? And later he was also expelled from Trinity College School.
My brother went to UCC and was neither "douchey" nor a "wasp". Nor were the many friends he made there. Sure - there are creeps at UCC. There are creeps at EVERY school!! I'm sure every one of you encountered snobs no matter what high school you went to.
The biggest difference I saw between UCC and other schools was the level of education. I often helped my brother study for exams and I was totally blown away at the sophistication of the curriculum. I remember helping him study for a science exam and noting that what he was learining in grade 9 was the stuff I was learining in my frist year University science class!
There is a reason so many leaders come out of UCC.....apart from money and connections....the education kids get there allows them to go on to amazing things.
It's just to bad that more kids don't have the same opportunities.
I have to agree with zoe. I attended Albert College and Appleby as a boarder starting at the age of 13. I also had friends who attended UCC, LCC, RLC, Trinity, Havergal, Lakefield, and Ridley.
The education experience is definitely unparalleled. The major difference despite the "extended curriculum" is the fact that most student have never been told they can't do something, and have extremely high confidence levels. It is contagious. I would suggest it for most, but probably not till the age of 14 or 15 as a boarder. Unfortunately the opportunity usually starts at about $50k p/y when factoring in all the additional expenses (travel, hotels, dry cleaning, commissary tab).
Honestly, I found more pretension in the public system - with people attempting to feign affluence through media defined symbols. From my personal experience, I have found most who truly are affluent do not usually wear it on their sleeve. Yes, you have flashy douche bag types, but they usually hail from "new money" families. Long established families tend to try and blend in when possible with the aim of maintaining their position. Why would someone try to steal your gold if they do not believe you have any?
Yeah, Brendan Fraser was in Seaton's and was a boarder. I was a few years behind him. He didn't graduate though; from his movie bios, I heard his family had financial issues or something else. Who knows. He definitely had the last laugh. LOL
From the comments, there are clearly a few people who just reject UCC people out of hand, but I can tell you the place is more diverse than you think, meaning there are good people who come out of the place with decent attitudes, etc. (If you "know" someone from UCC, they probably told you in no uncertain terms, so your opinion is getting drawn from a specific pool of people.)
It's an excellent school, but unless you feel it absolutely essential for your child to have an elite peer group, I'd tell you to send him or her elsewhere and imbue them with intellectual curiosity, lots of books, and summer opportunities like camp and so on.
One good thing -- they put you through the ringer academically, so university is a breeze.
I'll third that fact that Wimbledon is played on grass courts. I think Christopher meant The French Open, which is played on clay courts if I'm not mistaken.
Otherwise, an excellent read. :)
I knew one guy who went there, but as a day student. He was a regular kid from a middle-class home and he didn't turn into a "douche" as suggested above. I did meet some of his school friends once though, and a few of them were the stereotypical rich kids brimming with a sense of entitlement. So while it's not a novel insight, there's all kinds of people there, just like at any school really. UCC just has an aura about it which elicits strong opinions.
Interesting to read the list of graduates in light of the comments above -- NDPers like Dan Heap (federal: long-time Trin-Spadina MP), Michael Cassidy (provincial NDP leader, etc.), and Stephen and Avi Lewis.
What are you saying, that NDPers are incapable of being douchey? LOL You did mention Avi Lewis, who is married to the champagne socialist Naomi Klein. (Ask them what size of house they live in, or what kind of cars they drive.)
Education is more than Academics and Athletics so why is UCC being run by an American with a 5 second attention span?
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