Travel
GTA Tripping: Upper Canada College
Given that my friends (and a new study released last week) have convinced me that using condoms as birth control makes me a sucker-idiot, I've started planning for my imminent pregnancy blessing/disaster. Imagining my future son (whom I will name, oh, let's say Alasdair Percival Reynolds), I can't help but envision the finest sort of man.
Though the boy is still just a handsome, gifted mistake over the horizon, I'm the sort of dad who plans ahead, probably. So this week I headed to Upper Canada College, Canada's most storied and prestigious prep school - a turbo-Hogwarts pumping out CEOs and (soon-to-be?) Prime Ministers - to scout the place out for my probable future progeny.
Upper Canada College is the real deal. Founded in 1829 and based on England's James William Bottomtooth III-worthy schools (Eton College, especially), the place has an air of crusty patrician entitlement, which is my favourite kind of entitlement.
The pedigree is undeniable. Prince Philip is the official visitor. Charles Dickens wrote favourably about the college. Michael Ignatieff and Robert Prichard (University of Toronto and Toronto Star boss) are both alumni, as well as Stephen Leacock, the celebrated humourist whose name, during his day, was said to be more well known around the world than Canada itself.
The credit cup runneth over: thirty percent of Canada's General's in WWII came out of Upper Canada College; the school has produced 24 Rhodes scholars and ten Olympic medalists, which is impressive considering I'm pretty sure we've only ever won eleven or so.
All of this is to say, if you are a pimply-faced pre-teen wearing a blue UCC uniform I am officially intimidated by you.
Being the delusional semi-megalomaniacal sort that I am, I'm apt to believe that Alasdair Percival Reynolds will fit right in with these people. I myself, however, do not. And so, on our arrival at the campus I was half expecting to be taken out by polo players. Or perhaps pinned to the perfectly manicured lawns and burned to death with monocle-amplified sun rays. Luckily, this being a weekend, the place was mostly empty and we were given free reign to explore the place. So explore we did, wandering the grounds, opening doors and trying on stray uniforms.
Strolling over the grounds first, we gaped at the sprawling and well-appointed athletic facilities. There was a football field, a baseball diamond, swimming pools and tennis courts. The tennis courts were nice enough, but not made of buzz-cut grass, the kind of stuff they use at Wimbledon. I had to let this go, but I secretly wondered about the hindered growth this oversight would cause. My boy will have to stick to rowing and cricket, I guess.
Charity and good will are certainly laudable virtues for an institution to have, and so it was pleasing to discover a pair of Salvation Army goodwill bins near the tennis courts. Curiosity, let's say, caused us to open these bins to see what was inside. Every item in those bins was freshly pressed and sitting in a dry cleaning bag. It was like dumpster diving behind Buckingham Palace.
Opening the heavy carved oak doors and heading inside we were blown away by the art and artifacts casually decking in the halls. An American flag from the top of one of New York City's tragic World Trade Center towers. A chair belonging originally to Sir John A. Macdonald.
We walked past the quantum mechanics laboratory (seriously) and went to the Creativity Center. The student art works were highly developed in content and style, and some of the accompanying artists' statements read like MFA theses. We even caught a glimpse at a Group of Seven original, of which the school purportedly has several.
Or had; the bulk of these were auctioned off in 2004 to pay for law suits surrounding accusations of sexual abuse committed by a couple of teachers. This may sound horribly cynical of me, but the fact that an all-boys school took 175 years to have a sex scandal is something, right?
The theatrical posters were also impressive, and hinted at the famous stage tradition at UCC. The school produces several plays per year, including many student-run productions. The Max Fischer in me (the character from Wes Anderson's Rushmore was the result I got yesterday in a Facebook quiz entitled "Which Cult Movie Character Are You?") longed for tuition and a time machine.
Wikipedia tells me that many of these student-run productions have featured controversial subject matter including underage smoking on stage and a recently performed homosexual kiss between students. I imagined Alasdair Percival pushing the envelope further, performing the school's first onstage virgin lamb slaughter to much critical acclaim.
My heart filled with future-pride, and the decision was made: Upper Canada College it is.
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But also, the kid's name is Alasdair Percival, and I linked to a Family Guy clip, I'm obviously just kidding, the whole thing is just for the lulz, doi!
Your writing is an inspiration to get the F off the couch and go do something.
You do good.
I've never met a decent human being from that cesspool of entitlement.
I understand where you're coming from, because unfortunately it tends to be the the douchiest students that speak the loudest, but it's not all bad.
The biggest difference I saw between UCC and other schools was the level of education. I often helped my brother study for exams and I was totally blown away at the sophistication of the curriculum. I remember helping him study for a science exam and noting that what he was learining in grade 9 was the stuff I was learining in my frist year University science class!
There is a reason so many leaders come out of UCC.....apart from money and connections....the education kids get there allows them to go on to amazing things.
It's just to bad that more kids don't have the same opportunities.
The education experience is definitely unparalleled. The major difference despite the "extended curriculum" is the fact that most student have never been told they can't do something, and have extremely high confidence levels. It is contagious. I would suggest it for most, but probably not till the age of 14 or 15 as a boarder. Unfortunately the opportunity usually starts at about $50k p/y when factoring in all the additional expenses (travel, hotels, dry cleaning, commissary tab).
Honestly, I found more pretension in the public system - with people attempting to feign affluence through media defined symbols. From my personal experience, I have found most who truly are affluent do not usually wear it on their sleeve. Yes, you have flashy douche bag types, but they usually hail from "new money" families. Long established families tend to try and blend in when possible with the aim of maintaining their position. Why would someone try to steal your gold if they do not believe you have any?
From the comments, there are clearly a few people who just reject UCC people out of hand, but I can tell you the place is more diverse than you think, meaning there are good people who come out of the place with decent attitudes, etc. (If you "know" someone from UCC, they probably told you in no uncertain terms, so your opinion is getting drawn from a specific pool of people.)
It's an excellent school, but unless you feel it absolutely essential for your child to have an elite peer group, I'd tell you to send him or her elsewhere and imbue them with intellectual curiosity, lots of books, and summer opportunities like camp and so on.
One good thing -- they put you through the ringer academically, so university is a breeze.
Otherwise, an excellent read. :)