For the folks who would rather send black hearts in paper form than red today, the Royal is playing BE MY VILE VALENTINE, a showcase of short oddball films centering on the flipside of L-O-V-E, with a spotlight on four films for the broken-hearted including:

FOOTPRINTS, a charming Christian propaganda film about poor teen Betsy, who gets knocked up by Michael and her "hip" pastor tells her that pre-marital sex is a sin.

Then HOW DO I LOVE THEE, one of the first films in the 60's shown to students about the old "bird in the bush" problem.

HOW ABOUT SATURDAY, dealing with divorce and playing out like a dollar store version of KRAMER VS KRAMER.

And finally a MYSTERY FILM. Dion Conflict will intro the films, encourage the audience to heckle the onscreen tonsil hockey, and give out tacky prizes to make Cupid cringe. It's a Valentine's Day celebration for the rest of us.

Finally, fed-up singles and those with a good sense of humour have an event they can call their own. Bring your bitter!

Be My Vile Valentine plays tonight at 9 p.m. at the Royal, 608 College St., four-and-a-half blocks west of Bathurst. $8 (includes membership)