Unbeknownst to many of us, there is actually a tornado-like time vortex that one can enter in order to meet up with like minds from times past. Rembrandt, Louis XIV, Aladdin, and Christina Aguilera use this magical vortex to get together and party in this particular suite at 118 Yorkville, where they snort coke off of unicorn horns and then travel back through time via a magical wardrobe.

How could life not be magical in this $16 million paradise of utter tackiness in the Hazelton Hotel? It's just a constant hotel party in Yorkville, "with all of the great amenities the city has to offer only a stone's throw away!!!"

SPECS

Address: 118 Yorkville Ave.
Price: $16,650,000
Square Footage: 6296
Bedrooms: 3
Bathrooms/half baths: 5/2
Storeys: One: half the seventh floor.
Parking Spaces: 1
Fireplaces: Five
Monthly Maintenance: $8,224
Building Amenities:

NOTABLE FEATURES

Casual 24-carat gold plated fixtures in washrooms
Wine Cellar
Marble floors and baseboards
Five fireplaces for your convenience
Swarovski crystal drawer handles in the kitchen

GOOD FOR

French genie/pirate hybrids with many chests of gold who adore Major Lazer and live to party. Also good for those who really, really want to flaunt their riches but have no idea who do so without resorting to tired historical cliches.

MOVE ON IF

The idea of living in relatively close proximity to so many hotel linens gives you hives and/or mad anxiety. Or if you don't have $16 million. Or if you have a modicum of taste.

ADDITIONAL PHOTOS