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Stocking stuffers with the Tn'O team

Around this time last year, I wrote a bit about holiday sex toy shopping, in the hopes that you would remember that books and DVDs are nice, but not everything in your stocking has to be G-rated. Today Jenny and I will dose you with some of the picks of the litter for those who want a little naughty with their nice. And because we love our town, we'll tip you to the best spots in T.O. to buy the goods.

Firstly, though: when picking an erotic gift, always remember to have a hearty look at the relationship you share with the person you give it to. First time erotic gift-buyers are advised to steer clear of co-workers, family members, wait staff, and service personnel. Even boyfriends/girlfriends aren't necessarily no-brainers... in fact, you're probably safer giving sex toys to platonic friends than you'll ever be giving them to partners ("you want me to do what with what???"). Think it through! Don't be Homer giving Marge a bowling ball: make sure it's something the receiver wants as much as the giver.

On to the stuff...

The Cone

One of the most interesting new sex products I've seen introduced in the last ten years, and everyone I know who's tried one swears by it... occasionally to the exclusion of partner sex. (Tn'O does not advocate the foreswearing of partner sex.)

Jenny says: "Going back to playing with shapes in second grade, U.K.-based Twisted Products has come out with The Cone, a soft, pink, vibrating cone, sporting a 7.5-inch base and weighing less than a pound.

"You can sit on it, nestle it between your thighs, penetrate yourself in full Lotus, or flop on your belly and read a book on it. It ripples at various intensity levels.

"Sculpted out of high quality silicone and packing a powerful 3000 rpm Gold Brush Motor, The Cone features 16 in-built vibe patterns (buzzing, shaking, pulsing, and more) plus an 'orgasm button' for impatient girls like me, who need to get off and get back to work."

"The Cone is available at Come as You Are, Good for Her, and Stag Shop for $150 or less."

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The Jaguar

I may have mentioned this one a few months back but even so, it bears repeating. Now that I've seen one in action I can verify that this really is the Ferrari of strap-on harnesses. Made of asian leather and sleek as all getout, the Jaguar has D-rings to allow for easy adjustment. And yes, the turbo-hot design has the fashion sense to make you feel like a jungle cat in all your bend-over-boyfriend/girlfriend activities.

The Jaguar is available at Come As You Are for $95.

Mansoap

Jenny says: "Guys may not want to admit they jerk off in the shower, but for those that indulge in some naughty pleasures in the tub, they can also scrub away the guilt too.

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"German-engineered Mansoap is the first male masturbation soap to hit Canada. Resembling a bluish doughnut, it fits to all sizes of male bodies with its malleable Play-Doh-like material. Put your sea snake inside the centre and pretend you're banging a baked blueberry snack. It's like American Pie all over again.

"Len P. Kleine, president of Markham-based Kleine Healthcare Products Inc., assures the soap is made with a PH-value that is clinically-tested and kind on your skin and has a fresh smell. 'You use it to masturbate with in the shower or in the tub. Then you cum in you're very happy and then you use it as a soap after,' he says.

"It'll last up to about a dozen times and retails for around $10. You can pick it up online at khproducts.com or at Lovecraft and the Condom Shack."

Em and Lo's Sex Toy

What can I say, I have a 35-minute TTC commute and I enjoy reading erotic books at 8:00 in the morning. Sex Toy isn't erotica, so much as a collection of Em and Lo's sex columns from ten years of Nerve.com, in this case specifically related to the very subject of this article: sex toys. 300 articles index sex toy usage and care from A to Z, from anal beads to... something that starts with Z. (I'm blanking.)

Sex Toy stickers for $18.95 at CAYA and other fine erotic bookstores around the city.

Splash - Female Lube

Jenny says: "Women who are sick of sticky or dried-out lube during sex or masturbation, Splash is targeting its lubricants to you. It doesn't contains silicone, glycerine or sugar and provides keeps the area moist for 24 to 36 hours (if you're planning on doing the marathon sex thing). It is pH balanced formula contains Hydeal-D, which works closely with the same molecules in vaginal fluid.

"Available on most mainstream pharmacy shelves and Naughty but Nice. It's $9.99 for a 10 gram tube; $16 for a 30 gram tube. "

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Made in Secret: The Story of the East Van Porn Collective

Sure, you could load up the stockings with porn DVDs, but why not come through with something a little more insightful? Made in Secret isn't porn by any means, it's just the fascinating documentary account of the East Van Porn Collective, a group of amateurs who (like hundreds, thousands, millions and billions of porn connoisseurs before them) decided that modern porn sucks. (It does.) Unlike most folk, though, East Van decided to pony up and actually improve the system by leading by example.

The flick (they describe it as a "pseudo-documentary") follows their trials and tribulations in trying to make a little porn of their own. Sure to engender a can-do spirit among wannabe filmmakers (and porn stars).

The Made in Secret DVD costs a mere $15 at Come As You Are.

iBuzz vibrator

Winning the grand prize for sex toy inventiveness, in my humble opinion, is the iBuzz. I simply cannot wait to get my hands on one of these things. But then, I enjoy partnering up with the musically-inclined. (Probably because my own musical taste sucks.)

Jenny says: "Perhaps even more discreet than the lipstick Pocket Rocket, the iBuzz vibrator is the unconventional bullet size massager that is activated by your favorite music. Just plug it into your iPod or any MP3 player and have this massager get into the rhythm. It starts to massage the moment you play a tune but the fun does not end with just any tune. As you turn up the volume the vibration become stronger.

"Copyright infringements aside, this could be a cool gadget, just make sure you've got something that's slow-building and ends in a crescendo - like November Rain.

"Available at Seduction."

Happy holidays everyone! Have fun and play safe.


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