The best makeout spots in Toronto: #4 St. George the Martyr Church
What fun is making out in public if it doesn't come with a little danger? Or else, as in this case, a sense of stomach-churning guilt? Such sensations can only be had where common sense forbids the lewd; where we can feel the eyes of our superiors scorning in disapproval. That's why we inevitably choose to deface the city's "No Vandalism" signs and relieve our bladders by the side of the road. It's the prohibition that propels us and explains why you'll often catch couples making out at St. George the Martyr Church.
I suppose "shame on you" goes without saying, so on that note, I'll move on. The church on John Street in the downtown core has the unfortunate reputation as being a place to relieve more than just sins. Unofficially, of course. With sun shining brightly on it in the daytime, and lights enveloping the church in an evening glow, lustful men and women venture out from Grange Park to free their cloistered selves from their day-to-day inhibitions. And how they get their grandparents' nagging voices out of their heads is beyond me.
St. George the Martyr has that aesthetic romantic charm that may explain why couples choose to engage their licentious selves by the steeple. The peeling paint, the stone pathways, the gothic architecture (circa 1955, since the original 1845 structure burnt down)--it's all very storybook, and all quite titillating, apparently. For a little bit of privacy, there's a little courtyard garden that looks plucked from the pages of The Secret Garden, complete with stone benches, hanging plants, and (beware) babies playing on beach towels during the day. At night, metal gate is appropriately locked shut, though I wouldn't discount the climbing skills of a pair of determined lovers or lives-with-the-parents.
But for the lawful--and by that I mean the conscious-plagued--the exterior walls of St. George the Martyr offer all the leaning support necessary to qualify for a bona fide church hookup. You know; bragging rights in Sunday school and all of that jazz. But the spot isn't without risk. Beware the wanderers in Grange Park after dusk (it is a park in downtown Toronto, after all), and the odd passerby who is less than thrilled to see you defile their sacred place of worship. Perhaps most thwarting still are the crosses visible through many of the church windows. It likely won't get your fires burning, and if anything, you'll be thinking of a different kind.
St. George the Martyr roundup:
Privacy: You need to make your own
A good year-round spot? Avoid holy days
Atmosphere: Sinfully seductive
Watch out for: Pangs of guilt
Previously in this series:
A special thanks to Trojan Condoms for sponsoring this 10 part series on the best makeout spots in Toronto.
Photos by Jesse Milns
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