The Royal Botanical Gardens in Burlington and Hamilton, has a lofty mission statement: "to be a living museum which serves local, regional and global communities while developing and promoting public understanding of the relationship between the plant world, humanity, and the rest of nature."

With over 2400 acres of gardens, restored woodlands, and seasonal attractions like the lilac dell, the iris beds, and the spring bulbs in the rock garden, it's a place for sturdy walking shoes. Well, I've missed the spring attractions this year, especially with our early
spring that was just a lttle bit earlier due to the Royal Botanical Gardens' location.

When I was brainstorming ideas for what to do last weekend, a friend suggested we visit the Badlands. Badlands? As in those odd, Mars-like barren dunes you find out west? I told her that sounded swell and all, but this was going to be a one day adventure and a trip to Alberta was out of the question.

No, the Cheltenham Badlands, she said. In Caledon.

Oh. There are badlands in Caledon?

Another friend then piped in and suggested that if we headed that way, we should visit the waterfalls as well.

There are waterfalls in Caledon?

Okay, to anyone from the Caledon region, I apologize and profess my ignorance. Up until now, I only knew of your town as that place north of Brampton, a place I occasionally drove past when I was visiting my relatives in the suburbs. But yes, after spending a sunny afternoon in your home, I admit that a lovely land of rivers and waterfalls and alien hills lies just an hour north on Hwy 10.

Hey, here's a thing to do: rock up to a dealership and test-drive an insanely expensive and meticulously crafted automobile, just for fun. Al Pacino did it, and he was blind. So why can't we?

Our first thought, being members of one of the most equality-drunk societies going, is that, yes, of course we can. Conservatives and the unimaginative love to pat us all on the back by saying that we listen to a white rapper and watch a black golfer, that women can play hockey and men can do, oh, some girly thing. It is in this spirit that I can test-drive a Rolls Royce. Or so I believed.

I could even get up in arms about it. Like, who would the dealer be to say that I can't take a half-million-dollar übermachine out for a joy ride? How does he know that I don't have trunk loads of cash at the ready to fling at such a thing? If he were to refuse me I could accuse him of socio-economic profiling. I have rights!

In honour of Halloween, we've decided to take a trip on the general theme of evil. (Hey, did you ever notice that "evil" is "devil" spelled backwards, spelled backwards plus a d? Creepy.)

But before we tell you the tale of the horrible, gruesome day trip we took through the GTA's most sinister community -- The Township of King(!) -- let us cast the first bit of black magick together:

If you're reading this on an Apple computer, invoke the following spell: Say "Humba Fumba Bim Bam Boo Chris Rules" three times and then hit control+option+apple+8. You are now cursed to read this story in the dark! (Unless you invoke the spell again right away -- your call.)

If you're reading this on a Windows computer, I don't know, go turn some lights off and maybe remove some clothing so that you're chilly. Now, read on, if you dare...

The Humber Arboretum, located just west of Humber College in Etobicoke, offers a perfect setting for long outdoorsy walks while the weather is still warm and the Fall colours are at their best.

To get there we took the 191 Highway 27 Airport Rocket from Kipling Station. Aside from a lone condo building and some sports fields, the Arboretum remains 200 acres of mostly untouched nature reserve. All that land would likely have become a subdivision long ago if it weren't for the expansive flood plain inhibiting development.

White squirrels do exist. But only rarely in Toronto. You're one of the lucky few if you've caught a glimpse of the white squirrel of Trinity-Bellwoods Park in Toronto's west end. In spite of my best intentions, I have yet to see one.

Megan at the White Squirrel Cafe across from Trinity-Bellwoods Park says white squirrels sightings are most likely around 7 a.m. near the corner of Shaw and Dundas St. W. Last week she saw two white squirrels together. There may even be a third white squirrel in the park.

Unsatisfied with my chance encounters with an albino squirrel in Toronto, I took a day trip to Exeter, Ont. where white squirrels are not only the town's mascot (Willis The White Wonder), they're there in abundance. Or so I thought.