Vibrators are getting more high-end and boy, are they purdy.

My biggest problem with many wireless vibes is that the intensity isn't there. They die off too quickly and/or feel like a gentle buzz rather than a racing heartbeat. That all changed the moment I met Lelo on Saturday.

No, it's the name of some Hawaiian chick getting spanked in the Dungeon Room but rather the Swedish company behind new fancy sex toys.

According to their Web site, the models come "with a distinct design philosophy," drawing inspiration from the fashion and beauty industries. The design is simple and sophisticated.

And what better way to show Toronto's colours than the Bi-Bash, in its third year, where several hundred boys and girls who love boys and girls crammed Goodhandy's on Church St. last night to watch an off-beat variety show.

"There's growing to be more and more but you can really can't find something bisexual-specific," organizer Cheryl Dobinson of the Toronto Bisexual Network said last night. "There's a bit of this and that."

This year, the three-hour variety show featured fab burlesque troupes, Cinnamon Hearts, Jon Pressick and WikiD, bringing brrrrains together with brawn with their zombie burlesque act.

The setlist also included musical performances by MEA, Tomboyfriend, and Snoovy, spoken word artists Annanda DeSilva and Susan Tarshis and hula hoop dancing by Circus Alchemy.

"Does bisexuality day mean that anyone who is bisexual gets a free drink?" lead singer Ryan Kamstra joked.

They were there to celebrate the launch of the upcoming third season of Webdreams, a docu-drama on Showcase's Fridays Without Borders.

Now, I know what you're thinking -- porn party! This must be what it's like at the Playboy mansion! I was actually slightly disappointed that the launch wasn't more salacious. There was no pole dancing, no naughty bar scenes, not even a glimpse of a double-ended dildo. It was a packed bar with people hanging out.

I had attended the premiere of season one in Montreal a few years ago when I was working for 2Much, and recall a wild time. People were making out everywhere, classic bathroom lines of coke were being snorted. I guess, everything you'd expect the nature of such a party to be.

But at the same time, I thought, why shouldn't porn stars blend in with the crowd in a professional atmosphere? They're regular folks, right?

Toronto-based fetish queen Maxine X and her husband Scott Rhodes agree.

"We're like the horny couple next door," Maxine laughs. "I'm just an exhibitionist and a fun wife."

Well, it may not be just the smog making things sticky on Harbord St. between Bathurst St. and Spadina Ave. this afternoon - the local sex shop gurus at Good For Her are teaching free mini workshops, feeding tasty treats, promoting free giveaways and performing what they say will be "a saucy reading."

Added bonus: 20 per cent off all vibrators and up to 75% off on selected clearance items.

Also, stores located on the south side of Harbord on the strip - including the Toronto Women's Bookstore, WonderWorks, Divine Scents Spa, The Curl Ambassadors, Wild Thing Cafe and Jode's Jewels - will have their own sales going on.

Who knows - maybe you'll end up just getting off on the money you saved.

Schedule:
12 p.m.: Free Oral Sex mini-workshop
2 p.m.: Aural Pleasure: Readings by J.Q. Maceus and Meaghan Strimas
3 p.m.: Good For Her teams up with Toronto Women's Bookstore to present a Free Kissing mini-workshop at the bookstore
4:30 p.m.: Free G-Spots mini-workshop

I was anticipating the two women to tell us to turn over and whisper, "Would you like me to finish you off?" But sadly, it was a tease. That was the end of it.

Closer to home, although the market may be small, surely there must be places where a chick can get her own version of a rub-and-tug, perhaps a "rub-and-lick?"

The three provisions have to do with the ban on bawdy houses, communication with potential clients and living in the avails of prostitution. At the heart of this protest against these provisions are concerns over the safety of sex-workers and, in a statement by the group known as the Sex Professionals of Canada (SPOC), "the provisions challenged in this application operate to deny sex workers safe legal options for the conducting of legal business".

After all, prostitution is legal in Canada, as long as it's of the independent outcall variety, but this places the onus on the individual woman to ensure her own safety while simultaneously acknowledging the current laws.

Me, I always enjoyed these accounts but I figured I knew myself pretty well. After all, I was 27 years-old and had presumably progressed beyond my college days to embrace the well-oiled sexual practices of the post-grad. I was no longer "figuring things out" (or at least I thought not).

I've also had my share of fun and several relationships but I've noticed a distinct shift in terms of whom I choose to get closer with. Most of my hook-ups are close friends that I've known for awhile. While I've dated some of them briefly, all of them are people I feel comfortable with.

According to the ever-useful NOW Magazine Love and Sex Guide "35 percent of men and 39 percent of woman" identify as single while engaging in sexual relations with a friend.

Allowing for the demographics of those who cared to respond to the survey, that's still a substantial number.

As Josey Vogels, one of the announcers noted, you wouldn't want to use an Emmy in the same way. An Oscar might work but it would require one helluva warm-up.

All kidding aside, of much greater importance than the sexual possibilities presented to the winners are the films that brought them the attention they deserve.

The Feminist Porn Awards are not about supporting either mainstream pornography. We have the AVNs for that. Unlike most awards shows, they want to recognize porn that isn't content with the same, old conventions of the cultural entity we are all wank off to.

Why be boring when you can actually show female pleasure or people of diverse backgrounds, body-types and fantasies getting it on? Whatever your sexual orientation, I would imagine most people are into the idea of getting off to people they like the look of getting it on because they want to.

We live in a world where people are slowly coming around to the idea that there's no right or wrong way to get off and though the mainstream porn industry is usually one of the first adopters when it comes to technology, they are notoriously reticent when it comes to pushing social boundaries. Try finding a bisexual porno...

Then there are the activities you don't usually hear about, the ones you can't necessarily enjoy with the entire family. Some are praiseworthy (gay couples from the States coming up here to get married), others leave a distinctly bad taste in my mouth (swinger couples visiting Club Wicked; is that the best we can do?) and a few are really weird (Reg Hartt screenings; more about him later).

Somewhere in between the last two is Dimitri the Lover and his Toronto Real Men meetings. If you don't already know, he is the latest iteration in a long line of pick-up artists (PUA) offering up the secrets of seduction to hapless guys all over the country.

Well, at least that's what some of my friends accused me of when I worked as a chat hostess for a local dating service, which I've dubbed, "Homewreckers."

I actually hadn't thought of my days there - all 30 of them - until new commercials for the adulterous web site recently started airing again, usually during Blind Date late at night. A few years ago, I was at my wits end working at HMV, barely making above minimum wage. So I figured any job that paid better was worth checking out.

I saw in the back of NOW an ad looking for chat hostesses. It wasn't under the adult classifieds, so I made a call and was soon given an interview at a midtown office building.

With the exception of adding the lovely (NSFW) SuicideGirls to my contacts list, I've never used Flickr as a source of porn, or as a way to hook up with and get laid by local women because I've never felt the need and I'm content with my current resources for pleasures of those sorts.

But a recent, accidental discovery and a little bit of investigative role-playing made me realize that if I were a horny Toronto-area housewife looking for a fresh lay, I could score some home-delivered action, via Flickr, at the click of the mouse. The opportunity is also there (although the competition a little more fierce) for me as a dude to score a willing babe or meet an open couple for some experimental escapades, should that sort of thing tickle my fancy.

This is for those of you who have complicated feelings about this day; that silent majority. I feel that I am qualified to speak to you because I have been a not-so-proud card-carrying member for most of my life.

But, in a somewhat dated article published by IndiaDaily, apparently, Toronto girls of Indian descent are riding on the boom of Bollywood films and "busy making big bucks with sari stripping."

Reporter Tareena Raina said the girls wear saris to attract dudes and strip off the layers of clothing behind hotel doors. She also claimed this is also catching the eyes and ears of politicians, Bollywood directors, actors and producers, anxious to board a plane to Pearson to check out "this massive display of Indian sex."

So, I was curious: does this apply today? We've seen hordes of fans line up for Guru at last January's Elgin Theatre just to get a glimpse of actors Aishwarya Rai and Abhishek Bachchan, dubbed by Western media as India's "Bollywood Brangelina." So there's no question Bollywood in Toronto is still a huge market.

But when I asked around about sari stripping, no one really knew what the hell I was talking about.