She liked it so much that David started his wooden dildo business a year ago. I met him and his unique pleasure sticks at The Everything To Do With Sex Show in Toronto last weekend.

I met Emma there too, the York University graduate student who just bought one. It's her first sex toy. She picked David's wooden dildos "because they're so beautiful. And they're made in Canada."

Two stands down from David were the colourful and multi-shaped pyrex glass dildos you could also confuse for home décor.

Laurel is a sex toy distributor. She says more people care about the material of their dildos and vibrators and are requesting healthier products.

Some sex toys contain toxins like phthalates, a chemical softener used in rubber, jelly and plastic toys. Another health concern is whether the material is porous like latex, which makes it difficult to clean and easy for bacteria to hide.

Laurel sells silicone vibrators. She says a vibrator can claim that it's made out of silicone (which means that it's non-porous and safer than plastics and latex according to many in the industry) but also contain other materials. She cautions customers to make sure the label says "medical grade" or "100% silicone."

"All this happens because sex toys don't have to meet any health standards and aren't regulated by Health Canada," says Laurel.

She pointed out the "Novelty use only" caveat written in fine print at the back of many plastic and jelly sex toys, as if they're gag gifts you're not suppose to really use. All the sex toy sellers I asked say this basically shields manufacturers of responsibility, including from the effects of potentially harmful materials used to make these gadgets. It seems like a badge of honour not to have this stamped on your product. It wasn't on Laurel's wares, or on the wooden and glass dildos.

Selling healthier choices is a harder route in the sex toy business, says Laurel.

"It's like organic foods a few years ago. It was more expensive and your clientele was limited because of it."

Silicone, glass and wood sex toys vary in price but usually hit around the $100 mark. Latex and plastic are about $60 cheaper.

I spoke to another Sex Show attendee who just bought a silicone vibrator and asked whether material factored into her decision. She said no. She was looking specifically for a rechargeable plug-in.

"Why? Is it because it's more environmentally friendly?" I ask.

"No. The regular battery ones just zoink-out at the worst moments," she says.

The Great Intoxication: An Exploration Into The World of Seduction is a fascinating documentary by Matthew Manuge, about Toronto's seduction community. This community has been gaining popularity among single men with the growth of Toronto Lairs, seduction clubs which show men how to pick up and score with women. Featured in the documentary, Torontonian Frank Kermit (who founded the official Toronto lair) seems to focus on understanding the emotional needs of women in his approach to seduction.

These lair meetings, which the doc describes as "anonymous gatherings of men with a sincere devotion to helping on another" shouldn't necessarily be demonized. It's clear from the documentary that this community isn't all bad and does serve a support function.

However Dimitri 'the Lover' crosses the line, as he blatantly debases women to give the men a tenuous sense of power. His notion of dominance, rather than being loving, protective, and eschewing the values of traditional D/s relationships, seems to instead promote predatorial and abusive tactics as a way of satisfying the self at the expense of others.

Hardly seen as a lover, Dimitri is viewed by some Torontonians as a dangerous manipulator and outspoken bigot... here's a few of the lessons (paraphrased) Dimitri has to share in his 10 minute segment:

• Heterosexual men should never dance.

• Once you get her naked, you can just jerk off on her or whatever - it's just about conquest.

• 7 hours is too long to 'waste' seducing a woman.

• The same way a fat woman runs towards a cheesecake, Dimitri wants a woman who sees a cock and goes fuckin' nuts.

• Feminism has destroyed the courtship ritual; [women's] biological calling is to be gang banged on a daily basis.

• Metrosexuals are closet fags; metrosexuality is a big feminist media conspiracy and guys should not be metrosexuals at all.

• The metrosexual will get a certain sort of 'fag-haggish' sort of woman, but he's not going to get the fucking and sucking action that a Dimitri's going to get.

Having listened to a good 10 minutes of Dimitri's sexual philosophies, I am somewhat surprised to find myself agreeing with a lot of what he says. Aside from the inflammatory comments above, he does have a very clear grasp of the biological roles of men and women, and some of the psychological forces at play behind our seductive tendencies and sexual desires. He's not saying anything that isn't based in truth, but his truths are also highly opinionated in terms of execution.

In particular, I think he has a good grasp on the notion of submission; how a woman wants a man to submit to her sexual desires, but not necessarily to be submissive. The director perhaps puts it best: "...out of all the pick up artists that I've met, Dimitri was probably the most honest - maybe a little too honest." But there is definitely some food for thought in Dimitri's egomaniacal proclamations.

As for men who are turning to people like Dimitri for advice, this documentary offers a few alternate options. For example, Michael 'the Dating Wizard', seems to understand the true goal of most men, who aren't just looking for easy ways to pick up. "It's much harder to make yourself the kind of person that's a quality person on all fronts... to meet a quality girl who's a quality person on all fronts, and to keep it going with passion. We need to have more gurus [who focus on] that." If more men thought like this, maybe women wouldn't fear the predations of men like Dimitri, so they could let down their guard and be more open to pick up attempts from 'good guys'.

Now familiarized with Dimitri's face and his MO, I can only hope this exposure helps prevent any women from falling victim to 'the Lover' out of ignorance. Of course, according to Dimitri this is what some women want, in which case I wish him and his score card all the best.

Vibrators are getting more high-end and boy, are they purdy.

My biggest problem with many wireless vibes is that the intensity isn't there. They die off too quickly and/or feel like a gentle buzz rather than a racing heartbeat. That all changed the moment I met Lelo on Saturday.

No, it's the name of some Hawaiian chick getting spanked in the Dungeon Room but rather the Swedish company behind new fancy sex toys.

According to their Web site, the models come "with a distinct design philosophy," drawing inspiration from the fashion and beauty industries. The design is simple and sophisticated.

"With an avant-garde approach and an affordable mid- to premium price range, LELO provides a high-quality alternative to the conventional erotic market space," boasts the company's Web site.

There were a few models on the booth wall. But the one which caught my eye was the "Iris." With a price tag of $120, it'd better damn well be high-tech. Press the circular Mac-like button up, down and side to side for different speeds and pulsating effects. It runs on a rechargeable lithium-ion battery. A three-hour charge provides five hours of good times.

LELO hasn't forgotten about guys, either. Granted, their guy toys -- all two of them -- have names that don't sound all that erotic or exotic. "Bo" ($44 US) is a flexible, rechargable, vibrating cockring ($79 US) and "Bob," their "gentlemen's plug." Its unique design features a circular grip at the base and a balloon-like shape.

This isn't Lelo, but definitely worth mentioning:
Also recommended is the Je Joue ($300). Although it wasn't on the shelf, the Je Joue seems to be the most technological advanced because it allows you to program it and select the types of vibrations you like and remember it like a "playlist" for next time. You can make up 10 different 'Grooves.' You can also create your own Grooves playlist online, and email them to a friend or lover's Je Joue, or leave them on the Web site for anyone to download.

LELO and others like are slowly paving the way for more beautifully-designed vibes. Finally, sex toys are getting the respect and treatment they deserve.

And what better way to show Toronto's colours than the Bi-Bash, in its third year, where several hundred boys and girls who love boys and girls crammed Goodhandy's on Church St. last night to watch an off-beat variety show.

"There's growing to be more and more but you can really can't find something bisexual-specific," organizer Cheryl Dobinson of the Toronto Bisexual Network said last night. "There's a bit of this and that."

This year, the three-hour variety show featured fab burlesque troupes, Cinnamon Hearts, Jon Pressick and WikiD, bringing brrrrains together with brawn with their zombie burlesque act.

The setlist also included musical performances by MEA, Tomboyfriend, and Snoovy, spoken word artists Annanda DeSilva and Susan Tarshis and hula hoop dancing by Circus Alchemy.

"Does bisexuality day mean that anyone who is bisexual gets a free drink?" lead singer Ryan Kamstra joked.

The Bi-Bash is also a common and safe venue where bisexuals can meet.

Three United States bisexual rights activists, Wendy Curry of Maine, Michael Page of Florida, and Gigi Raven Wilbur of Texas, came up with the concept on Sep. 23, 1999 as a call for bisexual people and their families, friends and supporters to recognize and celebrate bisexuality, bisexual history, bisexual community and culture, and the bisexual people in their lives.

"Ever since the Stonewall rebellion, the gay and lesbian community has grown in strength and visibility," Wilbur said. "The bisexual community also has grown in strength but in many ways we are still invisible. I, too, have been conditioned by society to automatically label a couple walking hand in hand as either straight or gay, depending upon the perceived gender of each person."

According to the Wikipedia entry, this celebration of bisexuality in particular, as opposed to general LGBT events is also a response bi-folks being marginalized in both the straight and queer communities.

"It now features event such as discussions, dinner parties and dances in Toronto and a large masquerade ball in Queensland, Australia. At Texas A&M University, the week featured discussion panels and question-and-answer sessions. Princeton University celebrates this day each year by throwing a party at its LGBT Center. It has also been celebrated in Germany, Japan, New Zealand, Sweden and the United Kingdom."

They were there to celebrate the launch of the upcoming third season of Webdreams, a docu-drama on Showcase's Fridays Without Borders.

Now, I know what you're thinking -- porn party! This must be what it's like at the Playboy mansion! I was actually slightly disappointed that the launch wasn't more salacious. There was no pole dancing, no naughty bar scenes, not even a glimpse of a double-ended dildo. It was a packed bar with people hanging out.

I had attended the premiere of season one in Montreal a few years ago when I was working for 2Much, and recall a wild time. People were making out everywhere, classic bathroom lines of coke were being snorted. I guess, everything you'd expect the nature of such a party to be.

But at the same time, I thought, why shouldn't porn stars blend in with the crowd in a professional atmosphere? They're regular folks, right?

Toronto-based fetish queen Maxine X and her husband Scott Rhodes agree.

"We're like the horny couple next door," Maxine laughs. "I'm just an exhibitionist and a fun wife."

Married for over four years, the couple wants to break into the mainstream porn industry after running their production company for five years.

"We love the journey, but it's not as easy as people think," Rhodes said. "People look at a DVD and they think they just show off to the camera and have sex."

"You have to adjust to circumstances - we were getting ready to do this shoot, but then an ear infection came up."

Drawing from more than 600 hours of footage, the docu-drama captures the glitter and grime of this multi-billion dollar industry, as seen through the eyes of six new characters, including Maxine X and Scott.

Paris (not to be confused with Paris Hilton, even though she's a blonde) is a bonafide "solo girl," meaning she doesn't do any scenes with anyone else but herself on Webcam. She says she got into the adult industry after many restricting years as a "good girl" at a Richmond Hill private school.

"I want to do something fun, do something racy and do something that no one would think I would do," the 20-year-old purrs to me at the bar.
She launched Play With Paris and Cam With Paris, which she boasts has over 5,000 paid members worldwide.

Her storyline in the show revolves around whether she'll sign on to do big production company shoots from porn companies such as Vivid.

"Tune in to find out," she said.

She hopes her career in porn translates into her being on the silver screen, fully-clothed.

"Everyone says bad things about the porn industry, but I haven't seen anything - no drugs or anything," she said. "I'll always live in Toronto, though. I love it here."

Other stars in Webdreams include Jordan, who has plans to take an even bigger piece of the webcam pie; Seven is also hoping to cash in, by combining two of his favourite things: hip hop music and hardcore porn; Chad and Chris, two of gay porn's biggest names, find themselves teamed up at Jet Set Productions; and Tommy Pistol, the alt-porn king of New York, is gambling that the director's chair will lead to a new and brighter future in Los Angeles.

The third season the show was filmed in Toronto, Montreal, Los Angeles, Newfoundland, Las Vegas, New York, Miami, Los Angeles, Buenos Aires and the Dominican Republic.

The 10-part half-hour series produced by Galafilm premieres Sep. 5 at 10 p.m. on Showcase.

Well, it may not be just the smog making things sticky on Harbord St. between Bathurst St. and Spadina Ave. this afternoon - the local sex shop gurus at Good For Her are teaching free mini workshops, feeding tasty treats, promoting free giveaways and performing what they say will be "a saucy reading."

Added bonus: 20 per cent off all vibrators and up to 75% off on selected clearance items.

Also, stores located on the south side of Harbord on the strip - including the Toronto Women's Bookstore, WonderWorks, Divine Scents Spa, The Curl Ambassadors, Wild Thing Cafe and Jode's Jewels - will have their own sales going on.

Who knows - maybe you'll end up just getting off on the money you saved.

Schedule:
12 p.m.: Free Oral Sex mini-workshop
2 p.m.: Aural Pleasure: Readings by J.Q. Maceus and Meaghan Strimas
3 p.m.: Good For Her teams up with Toronto Women's Bookstore to present a Free Kissing mini-workshop at the bookstore
4:30 p.m.: Free G-Spots mini-workshop

I was anticipating the two women to tell us to turn over and whisper, "Would you like me to finish you off?" But sadly, it was a tease. That was the end of it.

Closer to home, although the market may be small, surely there must be places where a chick can get her own version of a rub-and-tug, perhaps a "rub-and-lick?"

I posted an ad on Craigslist's casual encounters and got about 20 responses in about five mins. However, the number of private business locations seemed to be few and far in between.

One person recommended a spa on Dixie Rd., south of the 401. "They have a lot of girls there. Give them a call and see." "My girlfriend used to get a female happy ending at a spa on Royal York, which has very nice massage attendants."

Another responder suggested visiting places that offer Tantric massage. "They can be very sensual. The point of Tantric massage is to keep you right on the edge, although slipping over can probably be easily done."

As for private house call services, there were tons.

"I'm a trained masseur who doesn't do it for a living any longer, but I do provide a massage with a happy ending. I'm an attractive professional man in my 40s who is too busy and looks for chill opportunities. I find giving massages relaxing and delightful. I'm 420 friendly, located midtown, single and respectful. I've been trained in a number of techniques (Swedish or traditional, deep tissue, trigger point, shiatsu) as well as Tantric practices, which I have both studied and trained."

"(Another massage therapist) taught me the techniques that worked and now I perform massages as a hobby in the downtown location. If you are interested in a man providing the massage, write me back and I can explain further details. I usually charge $25/half hour, and recommend a 1 hour or 90 minute session to ensure pure relaxation. If you are looking for a female therapist I am sure the above can help."

"My name is Gen. I am a very experienced Masseur. Swedish, aroma, and Tantric. I am a bisexual women, and do Take on serious clients who need a special touch. I have a great professional looking place, with a lovely set up. Are you seeking half, or 1hr? Maybe more? Name your budget."

"I'm looking for a female who wants to receive and experience a private/discreet safe and clean session of professional soothing body massage that also includes sensual erotic massage. Basically it's about you being completely relaxed, and getting pampered with body rub and arousing massage with sexual satisfaction."

"I know exactly what you are feeling all the massage parlours in the city and none catering to females. A few years back i tried to open one up but was unsuccessful as it seems there weren't enough female clientele willing to be seen walking in and out of such a place. So I can offer you private serves if you are interested. My rates are simple..Payment based on satisfaction. Rate would be $20/min you decided how satisfied you were and pick the rate! Let me know. I'm not a RMT but have worked in a rehabilitation clinic."

Sex Professionals of Canada spokesperson Valerie Scott agrees that the market for female happy endings is tight.

"Men are more socialized to buy sex," Scott explains. "Women don't tend to buy sex that often even with more disposable income. Let's face it - it's not difficult for women to find sex, there's so much free stuff around. You'll notice the same ads in NOW Magazine that cater to women don't stay around very long because there's not a market for them, so if you're looking to start that as a business, don't quit your day job."

From a women's perspective, Nina, who responded to my ad asking for help, said she met her masseuse through his Craigslist posting.

"The happy ending I got was an extended massage downtown followed by some mouth service," she said. "He took his post off I believe because he was getting too many guys lol...and he was looking for women. I didn't get charged because its a fair exchange...I thought I came out ahead but hey to each his own. He is located in the heart of downtown."

Myself, I love massages. No two things relax me more than massages and cumming. So why not put the two together? After one of those, you could probably sleep for a century (depending on how good it was.) I would be willing to pay for it to, treating it like any service.

Still, I wasn't sure if such massages were legal because the city does license some businesses listed as "holistic massages." But Scott said clarified that while there is a grey area with manual release (i.e. handjobs). A judge in Newmarket in Sep., 2007, declared manual and bodyrubs legal, but in Toronto, "it can be dicey." But for sure, oral and intercourse is illegal under the bawdy house laws.

"It wasn't an Ontario Supreme Court decision," Scott said. "It's very rare that (police) bust bodyrubs, but what happens is because they're licensed, the zoning people come in dinging them with fines for hours or fire code, all kinds of things."

So if you're a chick looking for your own happy ending, post an ad on Craigslist and you'll get quite a few responses from both guys and girls. Also visit some nail spas - Scott says you can get a nice French manicure with a side of orgasm.

Photo is from Tony's Web Blog, found here.

The three provisions have to do with the ban on bawdy houses, communication with potential clients and living in the avails of prostitution. At the heart of this protest against these provisions are concerns over the safety of sex-workers and, in a statement by the group known as the Sex Professionals of Canada (SPOC), "the provisions challenged in this application operate to deny sex workers safe legal options for the conducting of legal business".

After all, prostitution is legal in Canada, as long as it's of the independent outcall variety, but this places the onus on the individual woman to ensure her own safety while simultaneously acknowledging the current laws.

Due to the criminalization of third-party involvement in the business of selling sex, many sex-workers operate alone which increases the risk of them being preyed upon by violent individuals who might otherwise not risk the potential intimidation of a group presence.

This, in essence, is what Ms. Bedford is interested in changing. "I just want them to know that indoors is much safer than outdoors, from my own experiences." From security guards to other safety measures, she feels that sex-workers would benefit from having the back-up to deal with potentially-difficult clients without fear of recrimination from the police or other authorities.

So bawdy houses might make sense but deciding in which neighborhood to place them is another kettle of fish. From Giorgio Mammoliti's suggestion of the Toronto Islands as an appropriate site to various controversies over the area surrounding "Hooker Harvey's most current situations or those half-heartedly put out as possibilities are met with widespread derision and understandable concern. After all, nobody wants to live next to a "house of ill-repute".

Even strip clubs are feeling the heat with Lakeshore residents up in arms over a potential strip club as mentioned in a previous Morning Brew.

Leaving aside considerations of property values and "the children" an area where residents and tourists alike could congregate to avail themselves of sexual services is a possibility worth considering in a world where many cities have chosen to cluster said services in an area that is easily policed and monitored.

Victoria lets agencies take incalls and simply checks in from time to time to ensure that every sex-worker is licensed and none of them are underaged.

Besides bawdy houses, the ability for sex-workers to freely communicate with their clients wouldn't do irreparable harm to the fabric of our society, at least far as I can see. It might even help them weed out potentially-dangerous individuals. As for illegality of someone besides the sex-worker living off of her income, I understand that the purpose of the law is to prevent pimps from taking advantage of women but it also prevents groups of sex-workers from banding together to profit safely from their work.

At this point, I feel sufficiently emboldened to offer my own experience when it comes to availing oneself of the sexual services available in our fine city. Many years ago, a friend and I, suitably liquored and rightly curious after a lengthy discussion on the subject, decided to walk around the downtown in search of massage parlours (which, for the purposes of our experiment, ran along Queen, up Yonge and along Bloor before heading down Spadina again) while trying the numbers in the back pages of our favorite weeklies for good measure.

While it may have been the time of morning (3 AM or so), we had no luck and I can't help thinking that many other fellows in my place might be similarly frustrated by the lack of clear and concise directions with regards to the possibilities open to them.

Do they deserve to satisfy their urges in an environment that affords every opportunity for the sex-worker to ensure their safety? Do you think the current laws do the job or would you like to see an area of the city opened up to regulated (and closely-monitored) sex-trade?

Hell, in an age where monsters such as Robert Pickton can operate with relative impunity, do we really have a choice?

--

Photo: Eleven Eight

The site launched Mar. 15, but is still gaining momentum. The Webmasters have targeted a lot of topics - from sensual massages to sex and drugs to techniques to STIs. Now, the concept may not be groundbreaking, but it seems to be a great way to talk to people out there regarding any topic of sex while still maintaining your anonymity. And what's surprising is that it all stemmed from a case of a sore penis.

What made you start the Toronto Sex Forum in the first place?

CBW: The origins of TSF can be traced back to two bottles of wine and a tub of mango body butter. After said wine and body butter were consumed and distributed, respectively, between my lady and I, I awoke to find my penis gnarled as if it had been attacked by a rabid dog. Sharp pains in the penis are always alarming. The pains may get worse. Those pains may then baffle a series of recommended family physicians, recommended urologists and recommended surgeons. But the confusion of a series of medical professionals is much easier to deal with than the devastating aura of suspicion and lack of sex that surrounds you, once you try to gently hint to your lover that you have a sharp stinging pain in your penis.

As we do these days, I started Googling. We trolled the Web for answers and our memories for any recollection of the incidents leading up to this disaster but we just couldn't get the right answer. After some time my gf found an article on the calgarysexforum.com where someone else had received a similar sounding irritation from using body butter as lubricant. It clicked, suddenly I recalled the blasted mango butter we had been using. Then it struck me, there should be a site in Toronto that can diagnose unidentified sharp stinging pain in his penis. That is how TSF began.

Why is there a need for this kind of sounding board in Toronto with sex? Is it because Toronto is often stereotyped as a "frigid" kind of city when it comes to matters of the heart?

T: I hate to perpetuate stereotypes, but Torontonians' frigidity rivals that of my 90-year-old great grandma. In general, Torontonians are so reluctant to have open, non judgmental discussion about most "taboo" subjects. Especially women. I wasn't surprised that a forum like this didn't already exist in Toronto. TSF is important because it not only opens up the sexual discourse in Toronto, it creates one. It allows people to meet, chat, ask questions to other Torontonians. We are not there to judge.

What kinds of responses have you heard about the site?

CBW: So far so good. It's the first of its kind in Toronto and I think that some people are really excited about where this might go and what kinds of discussion TSF will foster.

How do you think this Web site will help Toronto's love and sex attitudes evolve?

T: Without conversation we have nothing. We would all be in our rooms touching ourselves in the closet, hiding away because for some reason, long long ago, sex was relegated to confines of ones own mind. TSF allows people to talk about sex openly and freely, and that is the most important thing. I think it has the potential to really change the way Torontonians think, talk, and act about sex.

How did you go about the selection process for each of the the forums topics (personals, sex clinics, seminars, sex & drugs, toys, stories, etc.)?

CBW: We didn't want to leave anybody out. So we just created every possible category we could think of.

The upcoming Sex and the City movie is coming up -- I've always found that women tend to love that show and relate and feel liberated when watching Samantha or Miranda or Carrie (and even Charlotte) - yet, there isn't a lot of that "frankness" when it comes to talking about sex in day-to-day life. What's up with that? Are we still ashamed of sexuality in 2008?

T: Sex and the City made talking about sex trendy, like talking about a pair of designer shoes. But it is all superficial, people are still ashamed to talk about their deepest sexual desires. We can 'fess up to the fact that we all have "goodie drawers" filled with vibrating cock rings and dildos but when asked the age old question of "which sex and the city character are you" most women would probably say Charlotte, the prude one.

What else is planned for this site in the future? (Guest columnists, webcams, etc.) or is it just going to be kept simple - the way messageboards usually are?

CBW: We want to keep it simple. It's a forum, we don't want it to become something that it is not. That being said, we are always open to suggestions from our members. Its a democracy really. When some members voiced that a live chat feature could be cool, we got that up and running for them. TSF is for the people, so we try to cater to them. I like the webcam idea though, good thinking.

Me, I always enjoyed these accounts but I figured I knew myself pretty well. After all, I was 27 years-old and had presumably progressed beyond my college days to embrace the well-oiled sexual practices of the post-grad. I was no longer "figuring things out" (or at least I thought not).

Everything changed last year when I had a homosexual threesome with a friend and some dude we were hanging out with at a certain after-hours club on Queen St. West (some of you will know of it).

I've never been that into guys (and nothing's changed) but when the guy we met began to lick my ass, I had a bit of a sexual epiphany. I realized that I really liked it and it had almost nothing to do with the gender of the person down there.

While I may not have been entirely comfortable with the circumstances of my paradigm shift, I was not unaware of the possibilities of sharing this discovery with a partner I was more into and the opportunity was not long in coming.

A friend-with-benefits found out about my kink and expressed a sincere desire to help me out which, after several self-aborted attempts, came about in a way that removed any doubt that this was something I truly enjoyed.

The only remaining obstacle to my full acceptance of my kink was my up-to-this-point extreme reticence when it came to matters of the ass. Anything anal had always repulsed me and here I was partaking and enjoying in something that I couldn't presently perform myself.

Being a fair person, I found the idea that I enjoyed a kink that I was unable reciprocate with intolerable and seeing as most people I've discussed it with in an abstract sense found it equally disgusting, I was beginning to come to terms with whatever amount of self-loathing I'd have to embrace to bury it within me.

It was my friend that helped me realize that just because I enjoyed something did not mean my partner had to enjoy it equally. Part of the pleasure she derived from the act had to do with the knowledge that she was getting me off and the same could be applied to things she enjoyed more than I.

I began to realize that, as long as we both derived satisfaction from what we did with each other, it didn't necessarily matter that we got off in slightly different ways. What mattered was that we were both honest with each other when it came down to what we really enjoyed.

While this realization pleased me no end as far as my current FWB relationship was concerned, I was in no way convinced that my kink was in any way transferable to any new partner I might become involved with. After all, I am under no illusions as to how difficult it can be to find someone one can really click with, especially when it comes something that has the potential to be as potentially-esoteric as eating ass.

I'm sure this is a question many of you have asked yourselves. Just how much do I like this? Is this something I need to do with every single partner or is this is something I'm willing to compromise on? Why do I feel so conflicted about it?

While I'm still attempting to define exactly where I stand as far as my kink goes, I'm curious if anyone else has one that leaves them on unsure of where they stand. More importantly, I'm interested in how you've dealt with/or are dealing with it.

The best story wins a prize, generously supplied by me and guaranteed to be appropriate to the circumstances above.

--

Photo: Dave Simmer.

I've also had my share of fun and several relationships but I've noticed a distinct shift in terms of whom I choose to get closer with. Most of my hook-ups are close friends that I've known for awhile. While I've dated some of them briefly, all of them are people I feel comfortable with.

According to the ever-useful NOW Magazine Love and Sex Guide "35 percent of men and 39 percent of woman" identify as single while engaging in sexual relations with a friend.

Allowing for the demographics of those who cared to respond to the survey, that's still a substantial number.

A friend of mine once commented that friends who know each other long enough and well enough can get quite "incestuous" with each other. Leaving aside the potential for misunderstandings (of which there can be many) and monogamy (generally the favorite option) many people seem to find that while they are up for the idea of finding Mr. or Mrs. Right, they're perfectly happy to sleep with a almost-right option, the friend with benefits.

The advantages can seem pretty good. You can hopefully be more honest with each other because , as friends, you both know what you want; a good fuck. No commitments, no romance, just some simple intimacy and you can both laugh about it in the morning.

If it were that easy, more people would be doing it. People become friends for a variety of reasons and while attraction is not always a factor, the FWB situation can be perceived as an opportunity by one friend for pursuing the other romantically.

The common fallacy of "if they sleep with me, everything else will work out" has a tremendous pull on many people and this erroneous notion leads to a lot of deception; the death of many a FWB relationship.

And yeah, that's right, it is a relationship. While commitment-phobes might like to call it anything but, it's a exactly that with some carefully-self-defined (if unspoken) unboundaries. While any relationship relies on honesty to survive, a FWB relationship is particularly fallible to fuck-ups when one person lies to themselves or their partner

The flip-side of being honest with your partner is not talking about the relationship with all of your other friends. Rumors, misconceptions and jealousy are no fun and all of the safety-nets that can apply to a monogamous relationship are often disregarded by those in the know who feel that the FWB relationship is not as "sacred". The more people who are involved, the easier it is for one of you to get hurt.

Me, I don't know how I feel about FWBs long-term but they seem easier. As I get older (and have a better idea of what I'm looking for) the desire to start a monogamous relationship with just anyone seems pointless unless I really want to make a go of it.

Picking up while out is generally unappealing and often has more unknown factors than I'm comfortable dealing with. Sticking with what you know is not the same as being stuck in a rut and can potentially be much more stable than one-night stands.

While some folks might look at FWBs as greedy letches who want to have their cake and eat it too, I just want another slice.

--

Photo: Tomitheos

As Josey Vogels, one of the announcers noted, you wouldn't want to use an Emmy in the same way. An Oscar might work but it would require one helluva warm-up.

All kidding aside, of much greater importance than the sexual possibilities presented to the winners are the films that brought them the attention they deserve.

The Feminist Porn Awards are not about supporting either mainstream pornography. We have the AVNs for that. Unlike most awards shows, they want to recognize porn that isn't content with the same, old conventions of the cultural entity we are all wank off to.

Why be boring when you can actually show female pleasure or people of diverse backgrounds, body-types and fantasies getting it on? Whatever your sexual orientation, I would imagine most people are into the idea of getting off to people they like the look of getting it on because they want to.

We live in a world where people are slowly coming around to the idea that there's no right or wrong way to get off and though the mainstream porn industry is usually one of the first adopters when it comes to technology, they are notoriously reticent when it comes to pushing social boundaries. Try finding a bisexual porno...

--

Sure, there is plenty of material catering to every conceivable niche of fetishist but when it comes to more controversial issues around gender and race, it can seem like much of what is being produced is slightly anachronistic and caters to prejudices which have no place in our world.

The argument that these purveyors of antiquated ignorance are merely providing "what the customer wants" don't hold much weight with me. John Donne famously stated that "no man is an island" and when the media and the communities around that man make clear what is acceptable and what is not, it leaves him little choice beyond falling in line or opting out.

Thankfully, the "avant-garde of pornography" is gaining ground; exposing us to new scenes and opening our eyes to the spectrum of sexual possibilities presented to humanity.

Appropriately, the first winner of the night was Buck Angel, who was the "Boundary Breaker of the Year". A clip was shown of Buck's work and, having never viewed any transsexual porn before, I was somewhat surprised at the incongruity presented by the image of a very masculine person with a vagina.

I suppose it seems rather naive but while I'd read a fair bit on the subject and seen my fair share of pictures, I'd never been presented with a video like that. Mind you, I'm not one of those people who deliberately seek out everything the Internet has to offer them and my address book is not known for sending me every latest dirty clip posted to XTube either but it was still something of a revelation.

Buck also happened to look a lot like a friend of a friend (which added to the personal dissonance) and while I wasn't particularly turned-on by what I was seeing, it was definitely interesting.

In contrast, I did enjoy the clip from Tristan Taormino's Expert Guide to Oral Sex but thought the scene accompanying Kelly Holland's win for Sexiest Straight Film was straight out of a soft-focus/soft-core porno of yesteryear.

Quite a few of the clips I saw had a very appealing rawness du moment, being shot on video and featuring seemingly non-professional participants who were having what appeared to be some very hot sex.

In all fairness to the films that did win, it's hard to judge 'em from a simple clip and I'm less inclined to give a shit about whether they get me hot 'n bothered or not and simply give them props for what they represent: a breath of fresh air in an industry that seems desperate to take on the trappings of its cinematic brethren.

Many of the winners (Buck Angel obviously excepted) didn't seem to be making all that much money from their films (at least not the kind of dough you hear about in their mainstream counterpart) but they all came across as really passionate and dedicated to providing alternate perverted media for whatever scene they catered to.

Shine Louise Houston, for example, started her own production company while working at Good Vibrations after years of post-art school graduate depression (I know how that feels...). Bren Ryder nearly became a fireman! Sure, there stories might not seem that different from anyone who changed careers to pursue a passion but these women are making a difference and they deserve recognition for that. It's also nice that, unlike the solipsistic wankfests that comprise the vast majority of awards shows, everyone involved had a good time.

And I know I'm not the only one who enjoyed Dainty Box.

So let's see:

Butt plug trophies
Honest porn
Sexual activism
Trey Anthony (the MC)

What's not to love? Seems pretty important to me.

For a full list of the winners, check out Good for Hers' website.

Bottom photo coutesy of David Waldman.

Then there are the activities you don't usually hear about, the ones you can't necessarily enjoy with the entire family. Some are praiseworthy (gay couples from the States coming up here to get married), others leave a distinctly bad taste in my mouth (swinger couples visiting Club Wicked; is that the best we can do?) and a few are really weird (Reg Hartt screenings; more about him later).

Somewhere in between the last two is Dimitri the Lover and his Toronto Real Men meetings. If you don't already know, he is the latest iteration in a long line of pick-up artists (PUA) offering up the secrets of seduction to hapless guys all over the country.

Now, I've read The Game, a book about "the seduction community" by Neil Strauss, a reporter, and I was left with the impression that the ring-leaders are a bunch of vaguely-gothic guys and wannabe-hypnotists, most of them lonely and consequently very controlling. Their websites are, for the most part, slick and well-produced. They seem to be trying really hard and are all about "the sell', whether it comes to hitting on women or flogging their products.

Jenny, a fellow writer at blogTO, had come across his website after finding a flyer he put up along College St. After browsing Dimitri's website, I found myself wondering if he could possibly be serious. Equal parts rambling personal philosophy and shameless self-promotion, its outrageous nature almost managed to overshadow a very comprehensive list of courses, ranging from a $197 Dating Needs Analysis to a personal, one-on-one couching session from Dimitri for $5,997. My favorite was the no expenses spared $97,500 "Cult Builder program" that promises to teach "POWERFUL techniques of psychological and sexual enslavement". Diabolical indeed...

While I wasn't quite expecting some kind of reboot of the Manson Family, I had no idea what to expect. Jenny and I were quite nervous about attending the March meeting of the Toronto Real Men's group. Would they sniff us out immediately or would they be sneaky and expose our agenda through the careful repetition of information-gathering questions?

Jenny: As Japhet and I plotted outside Massimo's about whether we should pretend we're total strangers or friends going into the seduction meeting, we both hushed up when we saw Mr. Lover himself appear at the doorway of Rancho Relaxo. Dressed in black jeans, campers and a black pinstripe sports jacket, he was unmistakable. It was sort of like seeing a celebrity that you only hear about in urban legend horror stories on Don'tdatehimgirl.com But there he was in the flesh, chatting on his cell phone.

Japhet: The intimidating part was how he was checking us out the whole time. I felt like I couldn't talk; he had the kind of gaze that zeros in you and makes you feel like he's hearing every single word you say.

Eventually, we introduced ourselves and it was like a switch turned on as he suddenly became the warm, welcoming host. He asked both of us three or four questions but never quite let us finish, preferring to draw his own conclusions in a way that kept us off-balance.

We'd agreed that we weren't going to lie unless absolutely necessary but I was definitely on my guard.

Jenny: Dimitri led Japhet and I upstairs to the bar where he introduced us to several other guys on the prowl. In total, there were 15 of them, ranging in age from their early-20s to mid-40s. I thought they could smell a rat a mile away and maybe some did - by the sheer sight of me - but Dimitri was very welcoming. I was officially the first (bisexual) girl there in the history of Toronto Real Men meetings.

Japhet: While we were being processed by Dimitri's right-hand man and trusty sidekick, he casually talked about keeping "faggots" out of the meeting, an unusual response considering that no gay man would ever try to pick up in an environment like this. Their language throughout the meeting on the topic of homosexuality was strangely stiff; I can't remember the last time I heard someone talk about "the gays".

Apparently, there were supposed to be feminist protesters but they didn't show up. Dimitri had been hoping for picketing and signs and joked that he was disappointed.

Like Jenny said, the 15 guys were mostly young, with two-thirds of them coming across as just socially-awkward with the others being total creeps. Besides his sidekick, there were four regulars who seemed to only show up to be yes-men for their fearless leader. Dimitri, for his part, managed to walk the line between getting the newcomers to open up and sharing jokes about them with his cronies. Jenny and I had little in common with these guys but we still passed, whether it was because Dimitri was all-too happy to have a bigger audience or he just didn't care.

Some of the shy ones came across as genuinely-nice guys who really had no idea how to talk to women and were looking for real help. Since I didn't talk with any of them personally, I can't say whether they actually took any of his advice to heart or not.

A couple of them couldn't get past the seemingly-insurmountable block of actually approaching women they wanted to talk to; a problem that Dimitri admitted he couldn't help them with seeing as his modus operandi mostly pertained to what they could do after the initial approach.

He did seem to have trouble relating to East and West Indian fellows, frequently telling them that a particular bit of advice he'd just given the group "wouldn't work for them", implying that their accent or cultural differences somehow precluded them from being able to employ it without comedic effect.

Jenny: "Those OCAD girls...go after the punky ones," he said. "They're all bi, by the way. You go up to them and say you're one of the most elegant women I've ever seen. Even if they're punked up, their fucking minds are blown because they're not used to being called elegant. They'll do almost anything after that. This girl C. - she wanted me to be her daddy - because she wants to be daddy's little cum-dumpster. C'mon, man, that's a big turn-on for a guy! I saw her walking on Bloor Street, she was smoking a joint, she was walking around. Little fucking slut. Great in bed."

I'm glad I prepared myself for this by watching Magnolia. Dimitri is without a doubt the Frank T.J. Mackey of T.O.

Japhet: Yeah, I've never met Ross Jeffries but he has some strong competition here. At one point Dimitri showed us the address book on his phone that was full of women he was involved with in various stages.

Jenny: Dimitri read off a list of "slut" conquests separated by numbers beside each name. If the name had a one, it meant he'd call them again for sex; two meant maybe and three signified a "dump list."

"After I make love to a woman, if she's worth keeping around and we become friends, I take the one out from in front of the number and she becomes part of the normal phone list," he said. "These ones have a number in front of them which means they're on the slut list at the top."

Japhet: I love how he got that text message from one of them during the meeting!

Jenny: It was from a woman he picked up at a North York mall.

"After I banged her, I wanted her to eat pussy, but she wouldn't go for it, man," he told the crowd matter-of-factly. "I drove up to Newmarket to get laid in a snowstorm because she was hot. It took 45 minutes to get up there, a half hour to warm her up, an hour to service her and a half hour so she didn't feel like she was used."

The guys laughed. I had this cringing smile on my face.

"Jenny, is this too much testosterone for you?" Dimitri laughed.

Testosterone, I can handle. Lack of respect towards women - less so.

Japhet: It got even better when he was enumerating on the all of the great places to pick up women and he asked us what big event was happening in the city this week.

Jenny: That guy in the audience made a joke about, "Two-for-one special at the abortion clinic?"

Japhet: He was definitely one of the heavy-duty creeps. Who says shit like that and thinks its funny? Worse yet, how come every guy in there laughed? Dmitri talked about being a gentleman but then why wouldn't he admonish the guy for going too far?

Jenny: Some of Dimitri's advice seemed to make sense - chocolates, cockiness mixed with humor will catch a woman's attention, giving compliments, etc. - but the way he delivered it bordered on Paul Bernardo predatory.

Japhet: That's funny considering how he said that women in the 416 area code think men are all Paul Bernardo until proven otherwise. He did give off a bit of that vibe though... Let's see, there was:

Lack of Empathy (" A straight woman loves it when a straight guy treats her like a whore.")

Inability to Form Close Relationships ("I don't have friends.")

Inflated Self-Appraisal ("I can get away with that kind of thing.")

Superficial Charm ("You're one of the most elegant women I've ever seen.")

And that's just off the top of my head! He was really good at interrogating people though. When I was recounting a story, he kept on interrupting me, asking specific questions that prevented me from the shaping the flow of my narrative and allowed him to give his own conclusions precedence over mine.

I've never been questioned like that before but I will admit that some of what he said was genuinely good advice. Mind you, we're talking the kind of thing you could pick up in a $4 magazine but it wasn't all cheesy pick-up lines and sexed-up job descriptions.

Yeah, he's probably right that you'll have a better chance picking up at a grocery store than a club. He's also right about white socks and black pants as well but do we really need to pay someone to hear this?

My problem with a lot of what he said lies in the essentially contradictory nature of many of his asides and jokes when stacked up next to his "good intentions" and, of course, that website of his; the elephant in the room. Dimitri can claim that it's merely to get attention but that's a seriously immature and offensive approach to a fundamental problem some men have in relating to women. I find it very difficult to reconcile this impulsive misogynist with his earnest performance of an open, fun-loving pervert.

Jenny: A few days later, I E-mail him asking if he could provide his real name and he figured out with his 170 IQ that I was writing an article.

"I have no issues with cooperating in the writing of an article in that the Toronto Real Men have nothing to hide," he wrote.

"For the personal safety of women I seduced and mentioned at the meeting, please do not go into specifics that could identify them. It is not for me, but I would feel awful if one of your perv readers stalked any of them."

Puh-lease. It certainly has nothing to do with any of the women who are now on his "slut list" finding out in a public forum. Right? Sure. After all, one piece of advice Dimitri the Lover gives to his male worshippers is to never lie for the sake of getting laid.

Japhet: In the section amusingly titled Observations on Life, Dimitri talks about how it's "acceptable for a man to cheat sexually on a woman if she is cheating emotionally on him". How is this honest? How does this even begin to fall in line with any kind of relational framework around polyamory?

In conversations with friends about Dimitri, I heard all sorts of stories. The posters he'd put up also went side-by-side with an online campaign conducted on Livejournal and Lavalife back in 2005. Using exactly the same wording on his posters, these posts had the added attraction of an immediate response from outraged viewers. While I was unable to find much of any information still being archived, one can only imagine the gist of the exchange which probably involved a lot of name-calling.

One of my favorite stories came from a friend of mine who was approached by Dimitri on Bloor St. West. Before being told what he said to her, I was able to recite it back to her!

Jenny: Perhaps the Dan Savage 'campsite rule' can be applied here -- to leave the person you slept with in better condition than which you found her.

"I told my ex I wouldn't give her anal till I proposed," he told the guys. "You cannot believe how romantic she thought that was, that I wouldn't fuck her up the ass until I proposed. I wanted to save it. You might think that's fucking sick. She thought it was perverse, but romantic."

By the sounds of this Greek lover, that's as romantic as it gets. What more could a woman ask for?

Japhet: Dimitri also claimed that Reg Hartt, of Cineforum fame, had really liked his posters and helped put them up. After hearing stories of Mr. Hartt's eerily similar cult-of-personality, complete with impressionable film students living in his house/commune, I can believe it. Who else is going to openly support this kind of thing? I'm surprised Rancho Relaxo isn't having second thoughts.

However, unlike many of Dimitri's more strident opponents, I don't believe he'll have any lasting impact on Toronto or be part of some kind of backwards progression in the psychology of men. He's simply too "out there" to reel in the casual consumer and his antagonistic, low-budget advertising reeks of desperation.

While he may play the alpha wolf in person, there are far too many warning signs for the average guy looking for a confidence boost. I would hazard a guess that many first-time attendees are scared off while the hardcore crowd sticks around in order to have a forum to regurgitate their hateful speech.

So while I encourage anyone sufficiently outraged by Dimitri and his "real men" to let them know exactly how you feel, this kind of thing, like the KKK and Scientology, has no future.

Well, at least that's what some of my friends accused me of when I worked as a chat hostess for a local dating service, which I've dubbed, "Homewreckers."

I actually hadn't thought of my days there - all 30 of them - until new commercials for the adulterous web site recently started airing again, usually during Blind Date late at night. A few years ago, I was at my wits end working at HMV, barely making above minimum wage. So I figured any job that paid better was worth checking out.

I saw in the back of NOW an ad looking for chat hostesses. It wasn't under the adult classifieds, so I made a call and was soon given an interview at a midtown office building.

It just so happened I just ceased being a camgirl and that kind of "chatting experience" was exactly what this company was looking for. That, and the ability to type over 75 words a minute.

I was nervous on my first day. I wasn't sure what to expect, really. Would there be a bunch of hot sexy college girls typing dirty to a bunch of dirty married dudes? Instead, I was greeted by women in their 20s to 40s. Some were snacking on chips, others making small talk with each other between lines of script.

My job description entailed using the 10 or so fake profiles provided to me to create pseudo-real identities. Pictures of random women were taken off the Web, and the profile box was set to "private chat only" so there was no suggestion of ever meeting up. Then married guys messaged me under the premise that they were chatting with the woman in the picture. There was a notepad on the side of each profile so us chat hosts could keep track of the details of the imaginary woman (what her kinks were, what kind of relationship she was in, hobbies, etc.)

These profiles were of women only from anywhere in North America. We were instructed by management to check the weather and time of the profiles were used before logging in to create a sense of authenticity. We were to spend about an hour in each profile before logging on to the next. In some cases, the guys wanted only to bitch about their wives or girlfriends; in other cases, they came looking for dirty chat.

We also had to do "quality control" of profiles, reporting any penetration or obscene private photos, which for the most part consisted of penises and in some disturbing cases, family portraits. I think that part grossed me out most of all - if you're going to cheat, leave your family photos out of it.

There often would be overnight shifts for $2 more an hour. I did one of those with about two other women. It was probably the most fun shift I had during my time there - the three of us discussed the weirdos that came online during 5 a.m. and compared the worst profile photos. One guy was walking along a dock with two cases of beer under his arms while another showed his wang surrounded by several American dollar bills and various change. High roller. Seriously, if your wife isn't turned on by that, what makes you think women seeking relationships outside their own marriage would be? They're still women with a list of standards.

I overheard management talk to a young girl who ended up quitting after a few days. She was a fairly religious girl and just couldn't handle talking dirty to a bunch of cheating husbands. It was a moral boundary she couldn't continue to cross. It's definitely not for the weak hearted, that's for sure.

There's been lots of debate surrounding the morality of this site, but this post isn't about that. To me, it was always about a job to pay the bills and a way to express some of my exhibitionistic side. My then-boyfriend was actually concerned that working for the Web site might encourage me to leave him, but in fact, it was the complete opposite. I was thankful he wasn't like those guys I chatted with online.

I can see how critics can point the finger at the company, calling them dishonest and sucking the change from cheaters, but at the same time, isn't it their just dessert that they're getting screwed over, talking to some chick that doesn't really exist? I understand cheating isn't black and white, though. And that there is always two sides to every story.

That question was brought up to our boss, and his answer was always, "They're paying for private chat only, and they're getting that from the hosts," so it isn't wrong.

The same guys would visit me repeatedly, even under different profiles. They all said the same things. I wonder if they just had a script written out in Word and they're just doing a quick CTRL V.

I've heard other online dating companies do this sort of thing, too. I'm sure they have real people on there, but you just never know.

I handed in my resignation letter after my first staff meeting. At the time, the company president talked of adding a virtual Vegas option where men can court women chatters in an online casino and using their credit cards, purchase gambling chips. If you're lucky, you may just score a pretty penny from a high roller.

But I'm sure it won't belong to that dude whose wang was surrounded by nickels and pennies.

Image of "sex sells" belongs to Sony Playstation 2.

With the exception of adding the lovely (NSFW) SuicideGirls to my contacts list, I've never used Flickr as a source of porn, or as a way to hook up with and get laid by local women because I've never felt the need and I'm content with my current resources for pleasures of those sorts.

But a recent, accidental discovery and a little bit of investigative role-playing made me realize that if I were a horny Toronto-area housewife looking for a fresh lay, I could score some home-delivered action, via Flickr, at the click of the mouse. The opportunity is also there (although the competition a little more fierce) for me as a dude to score a willing babe or meet an open couple for some experimental escapades, should that sort of thing tickle my fancy.

Surfing Flickr, I was checking out the profile of a new blogTO Flickr pool member. Scanning his list of public groups, I was surprised to find that he was one of over 400 (mostly anonymous) members in the Naked Mississauga Wives group. The group description is pretty straight-forward:

Anyone can join, but you must post at least one photo of your GTA wife to stay. If you haven't posted within one week you will be asked to post or you will be removed. After you have posted a photo, tell us as much as you dare about her... like what's her first name, or where does she shop, or where she works, does she take the GO train?? There will be a bunch of my wife's pics inside. Come on in and join if [you're] from the GTA.

Sounds like a little on-the-edge fun, doesn't it? I wonder if the wives know. I wonder if wives are welcome in the group. The curious amateur/citizen journalist in me took over, and I decided to go in for a little undercover investigation by creating two accounts - one playing a local 30-something year old single male seeking local females, and the other a local married female seeking fun. How did I do?

As a female:
Within one hour of posting a photo (which I sniped off the web and altered to remove distinguishing qualities), I had an older man in Georgia, USA offering up nude shots of him in exchange for more from me. Within a day, I had a local guy offer to come to my home with his camera to photograph us getting it on, and another guy offered to stop by for some quick action on his way home from work. And the offers continued to pour in all week. One married man told me that his wife has okayed his escapades as long as it didn't interfere with their family time, and another told me that he's been secretly cheating on his wife with several women he's met online over a six year period. I hardly had to type a word. Most of these offers and confessions came unsolicited and without any prompting.

As a male:
Without taking some initiative, things didn't fall into my lap in the same way they did in my female role. In fact, it wasn't until I added a few females to my contacts list on day three that any social networking started. After a couple of innocent back and forth messages with one of my new online lady friends, she cut to the chase and asked if I'd be keen to meet her and her husband at a motel on Lakeshore for some anonymous three-way fun.

And that's pretty much where it ended. I didn't want to further waste anyone's time because the offers I was receiving seemed genuine. I'm sure we all have better things to do, and I felt I'd learned enough. I quickly returned to using Flickr in my usual manner, voice, and account.

Sure, every once in a while a boob shot pops up on the public recent uploads feed. Sometimes I'll click through. You won't catch me reporting someone's public smut snaps using the "flag as inappropriate" feature. And unless another article research need arises, you can rest assured that I won't pose as someone I'm not again.

Note: If Flickr members are offended by other users posting their homebrew porn on Flickr, all users have to do is turn on the safe search to filter out most of the wet and fleshy stuff. Members uploading porn are encouraged to check out the many privacy and safety filter settings that can be applied to their uploads.

And what about wives who have had their nude photos posted to the net without their knowledge or approval? It's unlikely they'll figure it out, but if they do, I hope they kick their husbands in the nuts real hard!