Polyamory (or Please Sir, May I Have Another?)

Good, thoughtful post. It'll be food for thought, maybe, for some people who've never really examined these ideas head-on before.

Good advice for those who'd like to look further:
http://www.xeromag.com/fvpoly.html

And to tout my own Polyamory in the News Site....
http://polyinthemedia.blogspot.com/

right on, bro.
i was a serial monogamist with infidelities for years, but then i decided to grow up & admit my polyamourous tendencies, despite living in the age of AIDS.
but you gotta watch it with those powders; i've seen them fuck up too many people i care about.

NSFW: Next stop... swing stock.

Terrific article.
Polyamory -- just as long as all parties are on the same page, I guess it's okay.
I also completely agree and truely believe that honesty with yourself and everyone you care about is the only way to happiness.
But I still like to focus my energy on driving just one person crazy at any one given time. Jealousy and passion and saying "forever" and "only you" without really knowing what it implies... all that's totally for me.

so ironic that the ad on the top right next to the title for the article is for the wedding show

I'd go to Swing Stock.

Within polyamory there are really several types of practice. This post just covers more of the Swingers angle of things... focusing on sex.

I personally prefer polyfidelity where mutliple groups of people date either the same people or different ones where emotion is the key component.

All and all, what polyamory IS based around (no matter how it is applied) is that love isn't a cage. Love isn't subtractive by default. Often we use love subtractively, but that's not inherent. Love should be about sharing and being open and loving. The needs of your lover(s) should come first. We are human and aren't very good at caring sometimes, but that's the most important aspect.

Just because I love (emotionally or sexually) someone else, doesn't take away from the love I have for someone else. In fact, it often adds to it.

Dealing with multiple relationships is multiplicatively harder than traditional relationships, but it forces us to deal with our own issues of control and fear and jealousy head on in a loving environment.

Just wanted to give my take that all polyamorists aren't sleeping around. Sometimes we are just open to loving other people we meet in our lives along with the people we love already (inclusive is best!).

Um .. good thing for that last comment, but I still suggest y'all get in touch with my ex gf ;) I like the fact that at least you people are truthfull though .. so please tell me right away when you want sex or cuddles from someone else and i'll make sure not to give you any more..

Relationships with one person are complicatedbwithout adding another, and another... Polygamy is different as it works well -- given the context -- because of the patriarchal dominance.

Poliamory, in contrast, is rarely able to withstand long-term pressures. Anthropologists and sociologists have spent decades studying such groups. I think the 'growing up' part is not without reason as few are able to have long-lasting relationships under this setup. But, at the same time, some people have made it work.

I am therefore somewhat concerned that some commitment fearing men (and I guess some women too) would mistake this fear to be a tendency towards polyamory. It's not the same thing.

I would argue that one of the best ways to make it work is to have a primary partner, with whom you share a more constant connection.

You may or may not share other partners with that primary partner but you're with them for a reason.

thanks for the well written post. poly's not for everyone, but then again, nor is ice skating. it's always fascinating to see where people want to take this concept (polygamy works, polyamory doesn't, I don't like sharing etc...) if we can love multiple children/siblings/friends then why the stretch (and taboo) to multiple loves?

Maracuya, I should clarify that I don't think poligamy really works... it works only in a clearly UNequal, patriarchal society. It doesn't work otherwise, and I generally am not a fan of gender inequality.

I appreciate poliamory for its democratic qualities. But here is where I diverge:

"if we can love multiple children/siblings/friends then why the stretch (and taboo) to multiple loves?"

Well, many would say (me included) that it's not necessarily the same thing at all, and we can reverse that the other way around. Why does a sibling just need one mommy and daddy to love? Why not have multiple moms and dads? Yet, even in extended families, or polygamous societies, kids seek a primary father and mother figure they defer to. I don't think it's an accident.

In fact, I'd love to see some research with polyamorous relationships and children. I am not aware of any and if anyone has some, I'd love to read it.