What's The Frequency, Kenneth? Getting Some...More

You know that quote from Chasing Amy where Banky Edwards says that all lesbians are just straight women in need of some good "deep dicking?" Well, I don't know about the lesbian part, but as a straight chick, I know I concur with the latter part.

Months ago, I was in a relationship with a clinically depressed boyfriend with zero sex drive. He would keep falling asleep while going down on me (He claimed it was because he felt "so relaxed" doing it), it was really difficult to feel wanted or even the least bit satisfied. Frustration was the tip of the iceberg. I swear I developed cobwebs "up there" a la Drop Dead Fred.

Now, since meeting a new partner, I have a new outlook and a new set of adventures and somehow, stumbled from cobweb city to spicy sausage factory.

And this is how it should be. It's funny that it takes spontaneous sex, loud moans and sweaty orgasms to make you realize that desire still exists ten-fold and makes you think of what you're missing out on. Seriously.

I don't know if it's a combination of spring fever, paralleling sexual appetites or whatnot, but we can't keep our hands off each other. It's crazy. One week, when the heatwave was at its peak in the city, we were banging like bunnies everywhere, including the kitchen sink. (The Canada Life building provides a great canopy for public sex, by the way). I don't think I've ever been this horny, not even in high school.

But I ain't complaining. And hell, we should definitely enjoy it while it lasts. According to a Globe article this week, ill health kills the mood in seniors, but the same study also found that people in their 60s, 70s and 80s are still doing the nasty.

In terms of the younger crowd born after "nineteen dickity-two," NOW's annual Love and Sex poll in February illustrated that only five per cent of folks are too busy fucking to count.

And with fall around the corner, I'm sure many Torontonians are looking forward to buckling down to some hot-ass hibernation sex over the next winter months. I mean, we have no snow to build snowmen at Nathan Phillips; what else is there to do? Side note: Frequency of sex is now a discerning factor in prenuptial agreements. Even though that's silly, it still illustrates the need for some deep dicking 'till death do us part.

From the NOW poll:
On average, how many times in the last month have you had sex with a partner(s)?

Most singles already know this cuz they aren't getting any (51 per cent): the main factor that affects how much sex you have is whether or not you have a partner. (Okay, Virginia, the partnered ones are getting it the most.) You can't take anything for granted, though, because one out of 10 (9 per cent) partnered people are still not getting laid. And being a queer guy isn't necessarily the road to endless sex either. Gay men are more likely than any other group (38 per cent) to be in the once a week or less category.

Interesting and true:

- The people who are getting no sex and the people who are too busy fucking to count both use 100 per cent fantasy more than average.

- People who are shy about their fetish are more likely than the norm to be having no sex with a partner.

- Half the people who have never been in love are having no sex either. Damn.

- People who broke up and are now happily back together are more likely than average to be having sex twice a week.

- Those who believe they have zero flirting skills are more likely than average to be getting zero lovemaking.

Photo from AnnieBissett.com