Where to find nearly naked people to clean your home
Well, folks, it's happened. First, we reported on "sexy maids," which were on offer for parties, events and (ostensibly) household duties, but now a new company has come along that offers more of the same, as well as cooking (and men). Enter Maids and Valets.
There are four classes of outfits available: strictly professional (knee-length, "closed cleavage" French maid outfits for the gals, and black and white looks for the guys), flirty (mini-skirted French maid outfits with any variety of peekaboo body parts for the girls, topless for the guys), sexy (lingerie and underwear for both), and x-rated (topless and "possibly a mask" for girls, g-strings for guys). The pricing for cleaning and housekeeping runs between $30-$105 per hour (for 2+ hours) and $75-$145 for a 3-course meal served for more than 2 people (not including ingredients).
Their site looks like a cross between Model Mayhem's glamour shoots, and (frankly) an escort service, with the outfits representing a fair cross-section of the stock at recently-closed MissBehav'n. There are some shots (mostly of women) that do away entirely with the notion of cleaning, but my favourites are those of the men--a self-consciously-smiling, six-pack-sporting guy with a dishrag over one shoulder and a frying pan balanced on the other (psst, that's not where it goes), or a man holding a broom as his oversized shirt falls off, giving the camera a thumbs-up.
It's also odd that I couldn't actually locate any images of their staff. It's possible that the photos scattered across the homepage (including a comparatively out-of-place shot of a squeegee) represents what's on offer, but most looked like photos pilfered through a generic "lingerie maids" search through ye olde Google images.
Full disclosure: I get it. We all thought the young/old maid from American Horror Story's first season was titillating, and this sort of service can be somewhat fetishistic and/or plain eye candy, but it still seems rather silly to me. When you get down to the X-rated outfit options--basically, just nitty-gritties--there's bound to be hygiene issues, and if you're going to pay to bring someone that scantily-clad into your home, you're probably not going to be watching their handling of the Windex with a hawk's eye. Their staff will also gladly do your laundry, minor home improvements, change your lightbulbs, and even wash your car in the driveway (that'll aggravate the neighbourhood watch).
To your relief (or deep disappointment, depending), the maids and valets do not provide sexual favours, but (and this I balked at), the first two instances of verbal or physical harassment will incur a $500 fee, while only after the third will you be banned from their services. Seems a bit shady, no?