Proposed Amendments to the TTC Employee Manual
Section 1: Things to Not Do While Working for the TTC
Article A: Pretty Please
i) Don't sell counterfeit tickets from TTC fare booths. It ends up costing taxpayers lots of money that could otherwise be put to good use like installing shields to protect drivers from angry passengers' spit.
ii) Don't drive TTC vehicles while drunk. It's dangerous to passengers and people on the streets, and makes things too easy for Toronto Sun headline writers.
iii) Don't get high on recreational drugs while working on the tracks. If you want to light up your spliff at home, that's another story. In dark tunnels with heavy equipment, it could cost you your life.
iv) Don't fake having your bus hijacked at gunpoint. If you need to run personal errands on paid time, simply play your overly-powerful union card to take a week off with full pay.
v) Don't screw the entire city over without warning by walking off the job at midnight on a Friday night. The public are still resentful and biking, taxis, and walking are already infringing on our Better Way angle.
vi) Don't pretend you didn't see it and leave the victim of a violent robbery at the curb. She might go to the media, and they're good at making us look like the kind of people that leave victims of violent robberies at the curb.
vii) Don't accept any blame for poor service performance. Instead, follow our policy by blaming the riders. They're much better at accepting blame than we are.
viii) For Joe Clark (and not just for Joe Clark, but yes, mostly for Joe Clark), don't post handwritten signs, anywhere, at any time. Use only computer printed fonts deemed appropriate by our graphic design specialists (see new rule ix below).
ix) Don't admit that signing a long-term contract with Legacy Sportswear was a mistake. Even if you prefer the swag that riders prefer, don't admit that we have no concept of design aesthetic.
x) Don't encourage logical and effective people-traffic flow procedures within stations. Instead let escalator riders figure it our on their own so we don't get sued for condoning unsafe behaviour like walking left and standing right.
xi) Don't stop a crowded bus when a fight breaks out in the back, even if riders appeal to you to stop the bus. At least let them get twenty or so punches in so cell phone videos are YouTube post-worthy.
xii) Don't downplay your level of stress. Be stressed. Be very stressed. Referring to soldiers and aiming for sympathy may be our last hope for acquiring funds from the feds.
xiii) Don't kick thugs off the train. Kick off homeless people that are being harassed by thugs. In cases like this, don't ask questions. It's just easier that way.
xiv) Don't make jerry-rigged garbage receptacles. It goes against our rigorous counter-terrorism policy.
xv) Don't read the news or city blogs - especially blogTO. They just get a kick out of bashing us for no good reason and only post the good TTC stuff so they look good.
This post was meant only partly in jest.
Photo by blogTO Flickr pool member denmar.
Comments (27)
This is great for a laugh, but I have to say that maybe 8 our of 10 streetcar drivers on the 504 route I take every day are superb. The other 2 are slovenly, unfriendly embarrassments who don't appear to give a damn about anything.
This article tells me to hate TTC employees.
Thanks blogto for spreading love and understanding in Toronto.
Teh TTC sucks! Lol!!!!!11!!!11! Meh. Go back 5 years in any large organization and you will find crazy crap employees have pulled.
@ Zack - It was an amusing read, but does have some truth to it. I doubt Jerrold is trying to encourage people to hate TTC employees.
xvi) Do not inform TTC users of locations and types of crimes that occur on the system unless already reported by local media.
@ Mark: Oops. Link code fixed. :)
@ Zack:
@ Jacob: Point taken :) But uniform sarcasm was near impossible to maintain. It's hard to be sarcastic about a man dying on the job, and easy to be sarcastic about union charades.
TTC is a huge organization and surely they have their bad apples but that does not turn them into a collective of one. So, to whitewash them all with the same brush is totally unprofessional of a site such as blogto.
The article itself is also not original and its basically a rehash of the "common jabs" against TTC.
Blogto is not mainstream media and therefore it should also not succumb to mainstream mob mentality.
@ Zack: Please send blogTO your resume for position of Armchair Editor. You're the best candidate yet! :P
@Zack: Do you do any work of your own? You're very good at criticizing others. Unfortuantely, it's not constructive.
I think riders are regularly frustrated by the TTC, and Jerrold has, in his way (this is a blog, after all) captured that frustration.
blogTO may not be the newspaper of record, but perhaps it is Toronto's blog of record. It's certainly mainstream in a Web 2.0 sort of way.
TTC's full of assclowns. how else does one explain just my latest of many incidents with them?
On Tuesday, my 10 minute commute to work from Yonge/Sheppard to Yonge/Eglinton took one and a half hours due to a medical emergency that wasn't announced until 35 minutes after the trains stopped moving.
Now I don't know how much emergency training costs for TTC workers but I'm guessing it might be in the neighbourhood of $400k....random figure, but it seems to be a number that the TTC likes doling out for projects.
I won't even talk about the ergonomic-free buses that they're using nowadays. I'm 6'3" with a 34" inseam and I have to engage in yogic origami just to sit in a seat.
TTC blows.
@Zack: they've perfected a technique for the surgical removal of pickles at St. Michaels...look into it.
A stupendous canvas survey of everything blogTO (and other outlets) have had to say about the TTC over these long, strange few years. Have you sent this to Giambrone? :)
Lol @Joshua "Do you do any work of your own? You're very good at criticizing others. Unfortuantely, it's not constructive."
Umm, that pretty much describes this whole post.....
I'm just a reader of this website voicing my opinion, why on earth should i have to show "my work" and justify my feedback?
I simply disagree with the article and i posted the reasons why. No need to attack the messenger.
I knew some people wouldn't like this post and other would. I figured that some would call it hateful, and that others would cheer with glee and bookmark it.
The reality of this situation is that the TTC is in shambles, and it needs fixing. Presenting an extensive list of recent news and blog clippings reinforces my assertion.
But I didn't expect commenters to be criticized for being critical of my criticism of the TTC.
Pretty bad week for the TTC if you ask me. Bus crashes, street car crashes, a "medical emergency" at Lawrence on Tuesday, and another suicide attempt at Union Yesterday, fake tickets, what next?...
Still gotta take off your hats to those operators that go out of their way to make your ride an enjoyable one.
I love how when people criticize crappy blogTO posts that the staff's response is always something like "well why don't YOU apply to be a blogTO writer is you hate it so much, blah blah blah" as if that is any kind of constructive answer.
Jerrold, out of every blogTO staffer, you are always the absolute WORST one at taking criticism, which is ironic considering how this post was all snarky and grouchy criticism of the TTC. Ponderous.
And here I was, thinking I was doing a good job with it :P
If you're aware of "Zack's" comment behaviour on blogTO you'd likely have a pretty good understanding why our responses frequently suggest that he put his money where his mouth is. He's done nothing but armchair criticize us, and we've all grown tired of trying to reason with him.
Anyhow, back to the topic at hand...
What/how would a Rider's Union work? Would it be any more than a title? How would we acheive significant influence on TTC policy?
LOL at starting a passenger union. The most simple and brilliant post to get a message across. Can we start one?
xvi)Don't smash your streetcar into the rear end of another streetcar while both streetcars are loaded with passangers.
Leave the depot yard each day smiling, happy, looking forward to adding something positive to each and every riders day. First stop I get "You're late"! I'm not actually late, the passenger doesn't believe the CBC time signal and thinks because thier watch is 7 minutes fast, we should all set our clocks 7 minutes ahead. Damn! Hit the brakes. That woman in the BMW with the phone to her ear, a Starbucks in her other hand steering with her knees as she turns to yell at her kids in the back seat just stopped stone cold dead in her tracks for no good reason other than she believes that she is the centre of the universe. Now everyone on the bus just got jarred awake and all of a sudden I'm an ass hole, and you go for it. Yell it out for the whole bus to enjoy. Next stop: Sorry sir, everyone else on here had to pay the fare, I'm afraid you too must pay. "You F***ing ass hole" .....spit! I'll stop now and ask anyone reading this question: What would your reaction be whilst sitting at your desk, standing behind your sales counter, working at the machine you operate if someone called you an ass hole for something another persond did? Spit on you because you did your job? Endangered your life because they think they are the only one in the universe that matters? I can guess what your reaction might be. Notice how the bus just keeps going to get the rest to work, school, wherever? And you dog all drivers? FOOTNOTE: I don't work for the TTC but I do drive a transit bus in another large Canadian city (where it rains)
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