Tuesday, December 1, 2015Cloudy 6°C


Posted by Ryan C / October 18, 2007

You made sad green ninja even sadder
Craigslist is a blast. Not only can you find all sorts of nifty crap from local vendors (local pickup FTW), but forums like Missed Encounters and such can provide endless hours of entertainment if you're just looking to kill some time.

Recently, a friend of mine stumbled across the following ad in the Toronto Items Wanted section:

Anyone rich who wants to give me money. I need about $7000 dollars or so. ONLY RICH SERIOUS PEOPLE ONLY. my email is sandra4758@hotmail.com

A show of hands please, who here thinks this isn't a scam? Take a deep breath... this is actually a fo' really reals plea for help. Not only that, but the Sandra in question has a hilariously piss poor reason for requesting the money. It's downright shameful.

How do I know all this? Because that friend of mine went into an email exchange with the person to find out just why she would post such a shameless ad. My friend was being an ass-bag liar, but his intentions were as pure as a moonlit ocean; he just wanted to hear the b.s. Nigerian Oil-baron-ish scam for himself.

Her first response:

I need it for personal reasons. I wouldnt ask for the money if i didnt need it. Its important i get it. If you give me the money i will do you a favour and no NOT SEXUAL FAVOURS like working favours or something. I need it soon maybe this week or something. Thanks.

That was pretty ambiguous, which was to be expected. But then again, if someone needs $7000 it likely isn't for something impersonal. We automatically assume it's drug related, 'cause, well, why the arse not? A reply along the lines of "You ain't gettin' any cash without giving me a damn good reason," was sent back.

Her response:

Ok well am embrassed to say why but here it is. Its because am 27 and live with my parents and i have to pay them rent. I havent paid inawhile. So they are asking for it. I dont have much money now. I am working full time and now making enough right now. I am looking for a second job too if you have that ill take that instead. And no am not using the money for drugs and all that crap. To prove to you am not using it for drugs and stuff I can work for it if you offer me a part time job somewhere or you can help me.

Jezuz tap-dancing Kee-rist. This person has the following things:

1: A full time job.
2: No drug addiction.
3: A roof over her head.
4: 27 years of life experience.

To give you the executive summary, this is not someone in dire need of a seriously rich twit with more money than brains. This person, instead, needs to learn how to better manage her income. It's actually quite understandable if someone has problems getting by, even with a full time job. Some just don't pay that well. But when you are 27 years old and you have the luxury of living in a home that is probably subsidized somewhat (think filled fridge, furniture, etc) by your parents, a desperate plea for help as posted only serves to lower any orbiting extra-terrestrials' expectations of what humanity is capable of. You don't have a malnourished child you can't feed, you aren't a war veteran missing a leg, and you aren't living on the streets wondering if tomorrow might be your last day. In other words, Sandra whatever your last name is, you are not in the dire straits that many people in Toronto actually are in.

You're right to be embarrassed.

However, you've proven that you are capable of holding down a job, so here's some contextual advice in handy-dandy hyperlink form: Monster, Workopolis, Craigslist job postings. Godspeed.

Photo by a Ninja-bot

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