Queen Street Alert

Pedestrians on Queen West should be on guard for 8-legged invertebrate bag-snatchers.

The culprits have been observed attaching themselves to backpacks, pocketbooks, and satchels belonging to oblivious streetwalkers.

It is not known if the creatures are dangerous but their preference for passers-by decorated with the Confederate flag suggest right-wing fundamentalist leanings. Approach with caution.