When I was a mere boy, I used to love to read my school's selection of true and amazing survival stories. They were the sort of nonsense where Johnny Hero fights off a bear with a penknife. The same people published books where Johnny Hero fought off space aliens with a flashlight. Since I was an aspiring kleptomaniac, I still have many of these books around. Now I've finally found a replacement.

"The Worst Case Survival Almanac: Great Outdoors" is the type of book that makes you appreciate the being indoors. (Preferably beside the fireplace, smoking a pipe and stroking a beagle.) This book may even stop Torontonians from wandering into the forest with cases of beer and bags of mushrooms. But I doubt it.

It contains true and amazing adventure stories with how-to guides. Because you will probably never need any of this advice -especially if you're sane and inside-- the book is not afraid to have some fun. It tells you, for example, how to survive an encounter with Bigfoot. While such an encounter may seem unlikely, I think it is roughly as probable as the sudden need to build a wigwam.

So place this handsome little tome upon your toilet and read it as the mood takes you. It is a wise and fun way to use otherwise wasted time. While other people are merely defecating, you are becoming a hardened survivalist.