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Product Nightclub

Product Nightclub is a new addition to the Entertainment District . Owned by Charles Khabouth , the entrepreneur behind the Guvernment, Koolhaus, La Societe, and Weslodge (amongst others), simply having his name associated with a place indicates that this club will be something special, the same way seeing Danny Trejo appear in a movie or TV show indicates some shit is about to go down.

I visited Product at around 11pm on a Friday evening. The first thing that struck me about the place was the interior design. The website calls the club an "art-collector's residence-meets-nightlife" concept, but I would describe it as a "very-wealthy-Lady-Gaga-fan-who- is-possibly-into-BDSM's dream-residence-meets-nightlife." The art is interesting in an edgy/avant-garde/British performance art sort of way. There are naked mannequins painted in metallic colours with Rupaul -esque hair and lashes, while long phalluses hang from the ceiling, sparking like those icicle Christmas lights that were intensely popular in December of '98 .

The night I visited, Bud Light Platinum was being advertised on the big screen and posters (marketing level: somewhere between NFL ( ads expected ) and The League (ad nauseum). Bud Girls in sassy dresses were giving out one free Bud Light Platinum to every patron. As cover for ladies is free before 11:30, it can work out to be a pretty inexpensive night (if you are a lady and have no problem taking drinks from people you don't know. Otherwise, cover ranges from $10-20 depending on the night..). I followed up my free beer with a vodka soda ($7), which was pretty standard as far as "the healthy choice" of cocktails go.

The most interesting part of the club was undoubtedly the patrons. Clubs in the Entertainment District are usually at least somewhat balanced in terms of the male-to-female ratio, sometimes tipping in favour of higher male proportions (hey, sometimes bros just want to dance). Product, on the other hand, had mostly female patrons, even after the cut-off for free cover. On top of that, the women at Product were all startlingly good-looking.

I started worrying that I stumbled in on a meeting of the Attractive Sisterhood (like the Aryan Brotherhood but much better looking and a little less terrible). It got to the point that I was taking fake selfies to capture all the women in the club in the background to send to my single friend to show him what he was missing (I certainly hope that attending your cousin's Confirmation was worth it, Pat. I certainly hope you flirted with lots of women there, Pat).

The only slightly off-putting part of the visit came at around midnight, when girls in cut-out leotards and fishnets came out and danced on mini-stages. Were we supposed to give them money? Throw it at them like buskers or tuck it in their belt like dancers? Should we watch them or is that weird? If you make eye contact with one should you smile and keep dancing? If so, at what point does it become a dance off?

On the whole, Product is a solid club that would be ideal to go to with lots of people, especially singles. It had everything I was looking for: lifesize naked dolls, Christmas light sex toys, free beer from strangers, a mass of probably not-racist women and dancers who you might or might not pay. Definitely worth missing a Confirmation for.


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