When I went to New York a few years back, my then-boyfriend and I went for a romantic Valentine's Day massage at a midtown spa. Aside from misplacing our reservation, the rubdown was pretty good - so good in fact, that both masseuses pulled down our underwear and began vigorously kneading our doughy bums. I distinctly remember looking over at him and mouthing, "What the fuck?"

I was anticipating the two women to tell us to turn over and whisper, "Would you like me to finish you off?" But sadly, it was a tease. That was the end of it.

Closer to home, although the market may be small, surely there must be places where a chick can get her own version of a rub-and-tug, perhaps a "rub-and-lick?"

I have to admit - I'm a sucker for the Rants and Raves section on Craigslist. Recently, I came across a post for the Toronto Sex Forum, a sort of free-for-all message board for horny Torontonians out there created by "Captain Big Willy" and his partner, Tiffany.

I was paid $12 an hour to break up marriages.

Well, at least that's what some of my friends accused me of when I worked as a chat hostess for a local dating service, which I've dubbed, "Homewreckers."

I actually hadn't thought of my days there - all 30 of them - until new commercials for the adulterous web site recently started airing again, usually during Blind Date late at night. A few years ago, I was at my wits end working at HMV, barely making above minimum wage. So I figured any job that paid better was worth checking out.

I saw in the back of NOW an ad looking for chat hostesses. It wasn't under the adult classifieds, so I made a call and was soon given an interview at a midtown office building.

Who would've thought that saris, traditional Indian female garments, could be compared to the "exoticness" of leather miniskirts?

But, in a somewhat dated article published by IndiaDaily, apparently, Toronto girls of Indian descent are riding on the boom of Bollywood films and "busy making big bucks with sari stripping."

Reporter Tareena Raina said the girls wear saris to attract dudes and strip off the layers of clothing behind hotel doors. She also claimed this is also catching the eyes and ears of politicians, Bollywood directors, actors and producers, anxious to board a plane to Pearson to check out "this massive display of Indian sex."

So, I was curious: does this apply today? We've seen hordes of fans line up for Guru at last January's Elgin Theatre just to get a glimpse of actors Aishwarya Rai and Abhishek Bachchan, dubbed by Western media as India's "Bollywood Brangelina." So there's no question Bollywood in Toronto is still a huge market.

But when I asked around about sari stripping, no one really knew what the hell I was talking about.

For those who have been naughty and waited till the last minute to figure out what to get their loved one(s), we here at TnO have come up with a spicy meatball of a list that may get your, uh, stocking stuffed in the bedroom after your partner rips open the wrapping paper on these hush puppies.


Delight Rechargeable
Want to rock the clit and g-spot but sick of batteries dying and can't seem to locate an extension cord for your plug-in vibes? Well, Fun Factory brings vibe design to an ultimate new height with Delight. Made of non-porous and phthalate-free silicone and hard plastic, this rechargeable, simultaneous external/internal vibrator charges in its own sexy, discreet case. The convenient handle accommodates both solo and partner play, and also helps to make the g spot and clitoral zones accessible at once with different intensities and pulsations. The rechargeable battery lasts 90 mins. at high speed and takes three hours to charge fully. (4" x 1 3/4")
$172. Available at: Come As You Are, 701 Queen Street West, 416-504-7934.

Nexxtech Rechargeable Wand Massager
I haven't tried this vibe, but I passed by it at a Circuit City and it caught my eye. Its three massage surfaces help "work deep into muscle for total relaxation." And hey, it's on clearance and less than $10. Worth a shot!
$9.99. Available at: The Source: Circuit City, selected locations. Check Web site for details.

As part of a Pacific Mall excursion last weekend, I wanted to check out iMaid Cafe, Canada's first anime-themed restaurant in Scarborough.

Passing by the big red storefront at McNicoll and Kennedy, I got excited - there's something kind of creepy and cute about little Chinese waitresses dressed as maids - but before I could oust a high-pitched "Yatta!", it appeared the windows had been boarded up after only a year in business.

Does this mean T.O. isn't ready for cosplay - a Japanese subculture centered on dressing up as characters from manga, video games or pop bands - in all its kitschy and kinky forms over a bowl of noodle soup?

In Tokyo's Akihabara district, (otherwise known as the city's "nerd central," for gamers, comic buffs and Hentai), maid cafes are popping up every week. Asian girls dressed in revealing, frilly maid outfits, who will greet customers with a "Welcome home, master," bowing deeply, hands clasped. In one cafe, maids get down on their knees to stir the cream and sugar into the customer's coffee.

At Royal Milk Cafe and Aromacare in the area, diners can follow up a meal with a range of grooming services, including ear cleanings. Diners can also receive fully-clothes massages and for $75 US, customers can chat with a maid one-on-one in a private room. Maids at other attentive shops even offer to spoon-feed customers at their table.