It's been a slow two months for anything hot and heavy happening in the city beyond the weather.

Montreal has their Censored Festival happening right now (and I'm constantly reminded of how easy and affordable it is to get there thanks to those ads on the subway) but for those of us who don't feel like skipping town, the pickings are slim.

Sure, the Leather Ball is happening next Saturday but it caters to a rather specific crowd which, god bless 'em, has never been my thing. For those who do go, it's one of those things they mark on their calendar every year and I'm not going to preach to the converted.

For the rest of us, the Church Street Fetish Fair is happening the day after the Ball and it promises to be the best one yet. As far as these type of events go, it's the only one that's set outside and this makes it possible to do more than just sell you a nifty collar and leash.

Picture a market, throw in some entertainment and you have P.T. Barnum's kinkier cousin hawking a dildo while a tattooed man pukes out fire.

If that's not fun, I don't know what is.

It's Sunday night, at around 9:30 or so, and my friends and I are outside the Mod Club, primed and cocked for the A.D/D-produced Dafter Party. Only problem is, we're too early.

I'd heard all kinds of hearsay surrounding the event, rumors about "limited capacity" and tickets being sold out; enough to chill the heart and balls of anyone who really wanted to go.

And I really wanted to go.

Even though I knew next to nothing about the DJs who would be spinning, I somehow instinctively grasped that this would be one of those parties I would remember all year long. It also didn't hurt that some of my favorite people were going and I knew we'd do it up proper.

Public sex, historically speaking, has long been associated with gay men cruising for hook-ups in parks. This was, of course, before the Internet came along and made it all too easy to find a willing partner for some private fun. With cruising happening less frequently and the police largely leaving clubs and bathhouses to regulate themselves, there's a whole lot of opportunity for those of you who've never done it in an alleyway to give it a shot (or multiple, if you have it in you).

There's also no time like the present because, as we all know, there are only 6 months out of the year where it's actually possible to have sex outside without catching pneumonia. That's not to say you can't do it the rest of the year but during an encounter where speed is of the essence, wind chill should not have to be a consideration.

Nowadays, there is debate over what exactly constitutes a "public" space but for the sake of this column, I'm gonna say that mostly anything not privately-owned is public (and yes, that includes libraries, community pools and our now-colorful CN Tower) and some private properties count because they're very much in the public eye. I'm also not going to list any clubs or bars because everybody's done that shit and those kind of venues encourage mild forms of exhibitionism anyway.

Why would anyone want to do this? For some, it's a fetish.These folks take off their clothes in order to expose themselves to others. This can involve another person or even multiple persons and with the exception of the clichéd flasher, it's not usually done in a threatening manner.

In terms of instinct, there are two categories of arousal: the sexual variety and the one that rears its head when danger threatens. It's possible for the human brain to confuse the two and, in all likelihood, this is part of why people find public sex so appealing. According to a poll in NOW magazine's Love & Sex Guide, 78% of the 6,516 folks who participated have done the deed.

So we're smack-dab in the middle of Pride Week and the city's nearly bursting with things to see and people to do but where was I amidst all of this excess and debauchery? I wasn't at Big Primpin', pretty much the only party worth a damn that night.

No sir, I was in Mississauga, exploring the X-Club one of a number of swinger's clubs clustered in one of those industrial parks that I always get lost in whenever I venture outside Toronto.

Thankfully, I had a pair of guides, two regulars who had very kindly offered to drive us there. I also had a date because you don't go to a place like that all by your lonesome; that's just creepy and wrong.

I'm sure I'm the only one who had high hopes for Kids on TV's bathhouse party.

What's not to like about the concept? Guys and girls thrashing out to some of the hardest local beats around and then exploring everything the establishment has to offer in a variety of combinations has a lot of potential for fun.

Too bad nothing came of it. We could talk about how progressive it is to throw a party at a bathhouse and while it is indeed that, it's success is predicated on active participation by all who are involved.

If you read about my first time in a bathhouse and wondered what would happen if you went, wonder no longer!

Kids on TV are presenting their third annual bathhouse party and it's being held at the very same place I went to, Spa Excess. I had no intention of ever going back but, in an intriguing twist on the regular night, women will be allowed and this is an opportunity I can't pass up. I have all kinds of questions...

Will women be allowed to rent rooms? How will the regular patrons react? What are they going to play on the TVs? Most importantly, how does this change the rules inherent to the bathhouse experience?

A few people on various forums have been asking some questions of their own, most of which are variations on, "What's it going to be like?" and "Do I have to get naked?"

The answers are very simple. You won't know unless you go and you'll have more fun if you are.