What other awards show hands out glass butt plugs? They're just so... functional.

As Josey Vogels, one of the announcers noted, you wouldn't want to use an Emmy in the same way. An Oscar might work but it would require one helluva warm-up.

All kidding aside, of much greater importance than the sexual possibilities presented to the winners are the films that brought them the attention they deserve.

The Feminist Porn Awards are not about supporting either mainstream pornography. We have the AVNs for that. Unlike most awards shows, they want to recognize porn that isn't content with the same, old conventions of the cultural entity we are all wank off to.

Why be boring when you can actually show female pleasure or people of diverse backgrounds, body-types and fantasies getting it on? Whatever your sexual orientation, I would imagine most people are into the idea of getting off to people they like the look of getting it on because they want to.

We live in a world where people are slowly coming around to the idea that there's no right or wrong way to get off and though the mainstream porn industry is usually one of the first adopters when it comes to technology, they are notoriously reticent when it comes to pushing social boundaries. Try finding a bisexual porno...

Like any major urban centre, Toronto has its landmarks and attractions; things the visitors are encouraged to see. From opera to architecture we're used to seeing these objects of civic pride measured against other cities knickknacks in the never-ending competition for tourist bucks.

Then there are the activities you don't usually hear about, the ones you can't necessarily enjoy with the entire family. Some are praiseworthy (gay couples from the States coming up here to get married), others leave a distinctly bad taste in my mouth (swinger couples visiting Club Wicked; is that the best we can do?) and a few are really weird (Reg Hartt screenings; more about him later).

Somewhere in between the last two is Dimitri the Lover and his Toronto Real Men meetings. If you don't already know, he is the latest iteration in a long line of pick-up artists (PUA) offering up the secrets of seduction to hapless guys all over the country.

This is the first in a series of interviews with up-and-coming promoters who are throwing parties around Toronto.

I first hit up a Primary Colors party back in September of last year. With the lurid title of Big Dicks & Barbie Dolls, it was hard to not be intrigued despite having some misgivings about artists successfully attempting to say anything interesting when it comes to sex. Nevertheless, I went and had a fantastic time.

One night at the Boat and a loft party later, I was definitely into Alex Coleurs and Co.'s vision of themed, cohesive, dirty dance parties. The artists he brings in are varied and even the resident duo of DJs, Girls Like Us, aren't filler padding out the set list as is sometimes the case when promoters take a turn at the deck.

Most of all, Alex walks that really fine line between art and partying and makes it really fucking hot so I was interested in discovering what he was all about.

Photo: "college" by blogTO Flickr pooler edanscime.

Your morning news roundup for Wednesday April 2nd, 2008:

The police, feeling rather fly after the last two Comfort Zone busts, have gone after Harvey's hookers and other assorted denizens of the sketchy strips around the Church-Seaton neighborhood. The kicker is that out of the 287 people arrested, only 23 of them lived in the area; a fact that doesn't bode well for the next area they decide to hang out at.

Apparently those environmentally-friendly tetra paks the LCBO are so fond of don't cut it with the Toronto Environment Alliance who take issue with the fact that they're made out of virgin pulp, aluminium and plastic; some not-so-green ingredients. The LCBO counters that refillable bottles are not practical despite evidence to the contrary.

Like so many other people who work in the service industry, I miss quite a few weekend shows that I would love to attend. If I do get off by eleven, it's usually difficult to make it out to more than one event so needless to say, I was pleased to see that Crystal Castles were playing a second show at Wrongbar.

I'd like to see more bands do a couple of shows but I doubt that many would be up to the task. It's kind of like going out Friday when you know you're doing something Saturday; sure you can try to maintain your buzz at a certain level but the odds lean towards a certain amount of weariness beginning to seep in through the cracks of your party-façade.

The first show had been huge and I'm sure many people had no doubt the second one was going to be just as good. Massive hype notwithstanding, Ethan Kath and Alice Glass are very, very good at what they do and even though my exposure to the band was limited to numerous music blogs singing their praises, I had that jumpy feeling in my stomach that you get when you know you're about to see a fantastic show.

After a brief hiatus TnO is back with a special Valentine's Day post. Mind you, this post isn't for those of you who knew what you were doing on the 14th a month ago. This isn't even for you poor bastards who are desperately searching for something, anything, to impress your significant other with and show them that you care.

This is for those of you who have complicated feelings about this day; that silent majority. I feel that I am qualified to speak to you because I have been a not-so-proud card-carrying member for most of my life.