What choice do I have but to lead with this uplifting story? Toronto police have released photos of a clan of shit squirting bandits who use this most noble substance to distract their victims while they take their money. Borrowed from the streets of New Delhi, the thieves follow people who've recently used ATM machines until they reach a secluded place like an elevator. At this point, one squirts the brown stuff, two others bring it to the attention of the target and try to clean it, and the fourth plays the role of pickpocket.

Along with seeking out the aforementioned assholes (no pun intended, really), Toronto police have made their first arrest in connection with the G20. The accused, Samuel Bradley Kadosh, allegedly offered basic messages like "Resist G20" and "Stop the G20" in sloppily applied spray paint on ATMs, store windows and even a police car around Spadina and College. I've declared my graffiti advocacy before, but this vandalism just doesn't make the cut.

George Smitherman revealed his transportation plan yesterday, the highlights of which include connecting the Yonge subway line to Downsview Station via westerly expansion of the Sheppard subway, replacing the Scarborough RT with an above-grade subway, and extending the Bloor-Danforth line to Sherway Gardens. While new bike lanes aren't part of the plan -- Smitherman said that he'd put a "time-out" on their construction while working on improving current infrastructure -- he did promise to build "bike expressways" through Toronto ravines and inner parks. The price tag for all this? $17.4 billion. Not surprisingly, his running mates are wondering where it's all going to come from.

What else could the $1 billion G20 security tab buy? Along with a small private island, if one were feeling more generous, it might buy greatly improved front-line services for women and children in the Congo, or even a $1,000 reduction in tuition for students in Canada. Opposition party leaders are only too happy to point out that this is a hell of a lot of money to control protesters and keep leaders safe.

And, just in case you happen to believe that humankind is getting better, progressing toward a sort of utopia where mutual respect and self-responsibility will reign, this story might make you change your mind. Inga Richardson of Oshawa is suing her partner, Joey Sanayhie, because he didn't prevent her from jumping out of the car he was driving. Sanayhie was acting as designated driver on the night in question, and Richardson thus claims that he breached his duties of care. I don't care how much she had to drink -- whatever happened to personal accountability?

Photo: "Honest Ed's" by Noah Markus, member of the blogTO Flickr pool.